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there's no place like home jisung, stray kids
be my mistake - the 1975
—
to maya.
hello sunshine,
it's been awhile... i know i said i would write you a letter at least once a week, but life caught me up and time flew by without me realising. please forgive me. ahh... i forgot how hard it was to lay down thoughts and emotions on paper, sorry if it feels a bit rambling... i'm sitting on a slightly damp bench as i'm writing this, the weather is still summery which is surprising, october's already knocking at the door. remember how we used to sit on the dewy grass of the only park our town had ? our jeans would always get soaked and our mothers would scold us for being so carefree. it kind of reminds me of these mornings. seems long ago... the scenery here is beautiful, you would love it. i'm glad i don't have to look for a jacket yet, can't recall where i put my favourite (the khaki green one) ! anyway... i bought a coffee at that place that just opened, it's cute there, again i'm sure you would love it. anywhere i go, anyone i meet, you happen to cross my thinkings and i find myself wondering what you would say or what you would do if you were here. if you sat on that bench by my side, i think we would both be doing the same thing. people are walking on this avenue bordered by plane trees, and i'm watching. so many individuals, so many stories differing from the others, so here i am, wondering. i wonder if i share a memory with some of them, i wonder which ones of us will be lucky enough to see tomorrow and which ones of us won't. dead leaves are surrounding me, amber, brick, chestnut shades scattering the asphalt. i'm smiling, despite the sadness i'm trying to quell. you're always on my mind you know. it is so strange to think that three years passed since we last saw each other. what are you doing at this time ? you might be reading one of those fantasy books you like so much or maybe drawing someone you would have seen earlier... i often dream that we're finally meeting up, that i get to hold you in my arms, that i tell you about the feelings that have been weighing me down. it keeps me up at night. when i left that day, i somehow knew that i wouldn't come back any time soon. it was a weird feeling, really. i wanted to memorise everything, from the smell of late august to the last sunset i witnessed. i still see the streets we used to play in, the houses rushing past as my dad drove. one of which was yours. i had never thought that such a day would come. a day where i'd have to say goodbye to our hometown, where i'd have to leave behind my family, my dearest friends, and you. i miss home. it was the sort of town that everyone tried to escape at some point, although i didn't want to and neither did you. we had some great moments, made great memories right ?! somewhere along the lines, you began to change. you would get lost in your thoughts, look at things with a gaze full of sorrow. i saw it in the words you spoke, in your silences. you were seeing things differently, and before my eyes your beliefs pertaining our town merged with theirs. you kept on saying that i was wasting my time by staying, that i could do way better, when all i wanted was to be with you. we could have moved away together but i knew you would have declined, nothing could make you leave this hole of a town. it took me quite some time to understand. i've felt like you tried to get rid of me back then, i couldn't remove the surmise from my mind for months. and i resented you, wrongly. i guess that's why i'm only writing you today, for the first time in three years. am i saying all of that for you to know or to alleviate this sense of guilt i've been carrying... the latter to be honest, after all i'm the one who didn't reach out. i kept the letter you wrote me, and along with it, the reply i never sent. maya, i hope it's not too late to say that i'm sorry, and that i wish for a new start with you. there's so many things i'm dying to tell you. i'm coming home, a week and i'll be home, at last.
jisung.
as the sky slowly darkened before him, the young man smiled to himself. a chilly evening fell upon the city and the few people still outside were walking at a fast pace. it took him hours to ink the piece of paper he was holding, his fingers were going numb but it was worth it. if he ever felt relieved in his life, it couldn't compare to the relief he was currently experiencing. the letter folded in his pocket, jisung gave the bench a last glance and left the illuminated avenue. this time, he had the firm intention to post it. his thoughts whirled while he walked through the empty streets, a rough sea of what ifs in the mind. he was way too engrossed in his contemplation to notice the girl standing in front of his door. when her silhouette finally stole his attention, he felt like his heart stopped beating. the alley was dimly lit but it was well enough for him to recognise her. "maya... how— what are you doing here ?" he almost stuttered, surprise laced in his voice. she seemed to have been startled by the sudden utterance for a second, before his eyes caught hers. those dreamy brown eyes she had pierced his soul and he couldn't be more stunned. the feeling quietly creeping into his body wasn't helping either. his feet refused to move, jisung was rooted to the spot. all he could do was staring. the smile growing on her face as she got closer weakened his knees, some things never changed. he just wished he had realised sooner, that he was in love. "i came to see you... it's been too long and i've had a lot of time to think, about life and stuffs. i really needed to talk to you. the town isn't the same to me when you're not around, it's just... a town, not home. i miss you" the words sank in and peace pervaded him. although he still had fears, it was nothing he couldn't surpass. jisung slid his hand in hers, the other searching for the letters. how grateful he was for having as well the actual first letter he wrote her. perhaps there was a reason why he didn't send it that day, perhaps tonight was the right time for him to reveal his sentiments. eyes closed, he took a deep breath. "wooh... my mind's literally all over the place and i know the things i want to say won't come out like i had planned— so, please... could you read these ?" the wind blew in the alley and further autumn leaves fell onto the ground. the evening was beautiful, now that he was home.
—
note fall got me like... written for my lovely goldcnhour_ ♡︎ je te souhaite un happy bday une fois encore et j'espère que mon petit cadeau t'aura plu (je poste ça avec quelques jours de retard, tu m'en excuseras hein)! mwah ☆彡
