Helping or Drowning

The Beginning

The very beginning is something a lot of people can never remember. I don't mean birth either. I mean the first time a person feels a new emotion. The first time a person feels a connection with another. I'm jealous of people who can though. Jealous because I made a mistake, that lead a domino effect of mistakes and it took everything from me.

  I use to be such a lively kid. I had fun because as a kid we never worry. We wait to have fun the next day and when it comes it's over just like that. Then again we don't ever worry about time until we lose everything that made time impractical. I loved the feeling of being a third my size and running everywhere. When elders would hand you candy like it was nothing.

  As a kid I had that for 5 years. Then reality just gave me a small taste. Life in it's truest form, like soda for a baby. A sting that we eventually have to deal with until we let it fill us creating unhealthy habits. That sting was the fact that my parents were gone. Where? "I dunno" or so I was told.

  I realized I've been with my Gramps for as long as I remember. I had a dream that I seen my parents, I sat in a car seat in the back of a vehicle. Looking through the window watching my parents walk away without looking back. Holding hands walking to an abandoned building. I looked down and noticed a hand offering me to go with. I screamed as the hand dragged me down, eventually waking up sweating and crying.

  I still remember that dream so clearly even though it was so long ago. I also remember how I always wanted to help people when I was small. I'd try to help everyone. All because I could never help myself. At 10 years old I realized that I wanted help. I wanted to get away from the monster I was so scared of. I was so scared that I'd keep myself from telling everyone. I didn't want to be viewed as weak, I wanted to be strong and endured the fear to help people around me.

  I loved school because I could meet new people. I say that but I couldn't bear to speak to any. It's like a kid when he got some new Pokemon cards. Always wanting to see new people. I wished that I could see all kinds of new people all the time. I got that wish, I got it shoved in my face. That wish was my first mistake, the worst of the worst.

Note: This being my first actual writing piece I hope it's not too bad as a first part. But any criticizing will be really beneficial.