Remember You

78

*Mari

After they left Indigo and I took a shower. We decided to just cuddle and have movie night. I was really clingy cuz tonight will be the only night in prolly a while I can cuddle with her, smell her scent or even be with her. This shit is real fucked but everyone knows I'll do anything to keep her safe even if it means hurting myself in the process. I want to tell her so bad about what's going on but I don't know how the outcome with be. Like things can feel so right but go left in a few seconds. I just don't want Indigo to get into something that can result in me losing her permanently.

Tonight I was literally all ova her, but she ain't give a fuck. We watched like 4 movies before Indigo dozed off. Honestly I couldn't sleep cuz it was way too much stuff going on in my head at the moment. After this movie finally went off, I woke Indigo up and we went upstairs to my room. We laid down, she pulled me close to her, and kissed my forehead.

"Goodnight little one..." she said in her sleepy voice

"Goodnight papa.." I said pecking her lips twice

She dozed back off but I couldn't sleep cuz like I said it was too much going on in my head. My thoughts was going brazy tonight.
But after what felt like forever I finally felt myself slowly dozing off.

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*Next Morning

The sun was shining bright as shit this morning. I slept for like 3 hours and I was back up at 5 something. I dozed back off at 7 but was back up at 8. It's just a lot on my mind and I don't know what to do, how to feel or nothing.
Indigo was still knocked out. She looked too cute and peaceful. I just hate what I'm finna put her through. I just have to keep reminding myself it's for her safety. I hate how things finna go right now but I don't know. She's makes me happy and I make her happy, and people don't want to see that.

I grabbed Indigo and pulled her closer to me and slightly squeezed her. I closed my eyes as all the thoughts raced through my head. I felt myself becoming frustrated and tears started to come. I didn't even try to stop them cuz I really needed this. I was hurt, frustrated, mad, and just felt like giving up. Indigo has became a big part of my life and I'm not ready to give that up. They just want me to up and disappear. When I just up and disappear, what happens next??
Do I hid from her forever? Or Do I hid from her for some weeks?

As y'all can see I'm going through it and I don't know what to expect outta this. Tears started running down my face because all the emotions I was going through. I felt Indigo starting to move and I knew she was walking up. I quickly wiped the tears away and laid back on her.

"Baby you woke??" She asked rubbing my back

"Yeah I'm up..." I said turning my head to look at her

"What's wrong??" She said looking at me concerned

"Nothing. Why you asked??" I asked looking at her

"You look like you've been crying..." she said looking down at me

"Actually I have.." I said being truthful

I couldn't lie to her, she knows me.

"Why??" She asked

"It was just a lot going through my mind, and my emotions was getting the best of me.." I said playing with the ends of her hair

"Wanna talk about it!??" She asked rubbing her thumb across my face

"Not right now..." I said looking at her for a split second

She nodded and pulled me into a warm hug.

"If you ever wanna talk I'm all ears..." she said kissing my forehead

"Thanks..." I said looking at her with a small smile

See shit like this is why it's hard to just leave her. She cares for me a lot, she pays attention to me, and she listens to me when I need someone to vent to. No one has ever done things like this for me in a relationship. Her parents are just evil, miserable, and cruel. How can you not want to see your child happy? Crazy.

We laid in the bed and cuddled for another hour and 30 minutes before we finally decided to get up. Honestly I wish time can just stop time so I can be right here with her forever. I really want her to hold me and never let me go. It's getting closer to the time and my stomach is doing flips. I felt myself about to throw up. I ran to the toilet and threw up. I heard Indigo run in the bathroom.

"You good??" She asked putting my hair in a bun

"Yeah, my stomach is just hurting..." I said holding my head

She went out the bathroom and returned with some salt.

"Do you think you hungry cuz we didn't eat last night??" She asked putting salt in my hand

I licked some then looked at her.

"Probably but I don't want food right now.." I said licking more salt

I got off the floor, I washed my face, and brushed my teeth. Indigo went to put the salt up after that she did her hygiene things. I went into the kitchen cuz I needed to put something on my stomach. I decided to eat a apple cuz I felt if I ate real food I wouldn't be able to keep it down. I went to the front room and laid on Indigo while I ate my apple. She was rubbing on my stomach and watching tv. After eating my apple, I threw it away, came back and laid on Indigo. I turned to face her.

"Indigo..." I called her name making her look at me

"I love you so much..." I said looking in her eyes

A smile formed on her face.

"I love you too little one..." she said before grabbing my face and kissing me

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*It's time

It was now 1:40 and I told Indigo I had to take Aaliyah to the airport cuz mom wanted her home early. I hated shit like this. The closer it got to the time, the sicker I felt. My stomach was doing flips, my head was slightly hurting and I was nauseous. I already had put on my clothes, I grabbed everything I needed and went to the front room where Indigo was eating fruit snacks.

"You finna go??" She asked looking up at me

"Yeah.." I said softly walking up to her

I opened her arms and sat in her lap facing her. She wrapped her arms around me and we hugged each other.

"I love you so so sooo much..." I said looking at her

"I know, and I love you too.." she said and we smiled at each other

I grabbed her face and kissed her. This was prolly my last kiss in a while so put my all in it. It was filled with passion, love and everything in me. She pulled away breathing hard and looking at me all in love. She pulled me back for another slow and passionate kiss. We pulled away and I hugged her so tight.

"Uhhh.. I love you sooo much.." I said kissing  her forehead, nose, cheeks and lips

We got off the couch and she walked me to my car. I got in and let the window down. She stuck her head in the windows and pecked my lips.

"I love you..." she said smiling

"I love you too..." I said smiling back

We kissed one last time before I pulled out the driveway. That's when reality slapped me in my shit. I'm really doing this. I stopped at a stop sign down from the house. I just sat there and  thought about what I was doing.

Is this the right decision?
Will I regret this?
Will this make them leave Indigo alone?

A lot of stuff was going through my head. After like 10 minutes of contemplating I finally got myself together. I texted her mom letting her know I was ready. She texted me this address and I started driving there. When I got there she told me to leave my car so I wouldn't get tracked down. She also made me cut off my phone. Before leaving my car I wrote a letter to Indigo. After that I got in the car with her. She started driving to wherever she was taking me.