dead weight. sirius black.

nine.

today was small.
james sent an owl to his parents.
they responded to it early this morning.
it was quick, but their answer was appreciated.
at least we had a place to stay.
( although, i feel as even if euphemia had told me no, you would've snuck me through your window. )
yara jumps for joy.
her morning sickness has gotten worse ( night, day, noon, whenever )
but her spirits have never been higher.

now,
my old quidditch hoodie hangs off her shoulders.
she stole it from my closet this morning,
but i never wear it anyway,
so it's okay.

im dripping in sweat.
it's too hot.
yara cackles loudly as she approaches me in the pitch.
slytherin is losing,
as per usual,
gryffindor is dominating.
something you and your friends don't have a single problem bragging about.
yara throws a towel at me and i wipe my face down.

immediately after,
james snatches it and wipes his face down,
then he passes it to peter—
who passes it to you—
and the towel goes around the whole of the team before it returns back to my hands.
i throw it into yara,
who throws it onto angel,
who throws it onto lucius,
who holds it up in disgust with his pointer finger and thumb before he chucks it at your face.

it's disgusting but i can't help the laugh bubbling up my throat.
my heart hurts in the way that—
it's been a while,
too long of a while since i've genuinely done that.
reason.

later that day we sit in the gryffindor common room.
not joined by angel.
she would rather die than ever be seen with my friends.
faintly,
devil in disguise played off the record player sitting in the corner.
we all huddled on the couch,
overlaps,
perched on the sides,
sitting on the top,
squeezed between bodies,
and we were arguing about who would win the next match when remus turned to yara and i and said

"you're coming to hogsmede with us tomorrow, yeah?"

you spun around from your position on his lap much to davina's annoyance,
who instead sat on eileens lap,
which caused uproar from james.

( so now the arrangement is peter on the armrest,
davina next to him who sat next to yara,
who i'm on the other side of.
remus sits with you still on his lap since you refuse to move,
vega sits by himself next to remus.
on the beanbag in front of them james and eileen sit. james is on eileens lap, claiming she couldn't move now even though she could easily throw him off of her. )

and in chorus with yara,
you guys said,

"hell yeah!"

i'm not sure i had a choice in the first place.

today was small,
but in my opinion,
it was the most life changing.
for me,
at least.
maybe i'll ask you.
you're already helping,
so why not tell you what you want to know?
why not tell you what you asked for on the tower?

list of things to fight to live for.
one: yara livingston offspring ( in turn, yara. )
two: remus lupin and his little chocolate kisses he brings from home.
three: your friends smiles.
four: punching nando wildflower again and again.
five: you, i guess.
six: the feeling of genuine joy.

thirty four seconds to drown,
six to decide its worth it.