𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙨│𝘴.𝘵

'ǝuo ɹǝʇdɐɥɔ

The next morning, i wake up with a sore face. Once i get up, i pass a mirror and see the bruise on my face, worse than any other one i've gotten. I remember the small tube of foundation i borrowed from my mom and forgot to return, sitting in my drawer. I do my best to cover my bruise but its a bad attempt. I figure it would be less subtle if i just painted my whole face purple and blue.

As im finishing up blending the unnatural color of foundation on my face, steve bursts into my room, not giving a shit about any boundaries, or privacy a teenage girl should have. "God, steve, have you ever heard of this cool, new, niche thing called knocking!?" I say sarcastically. like i said, were not that close. We dont talk often, and when we do, its usually something like this.

"No, actually, i haven't. I didn't realize i couldn't come into my darling little sisters room to greet her," he could not be any more sarcastic, "i'm leaving in three minutes, shit-head. be ready or walk to school." he says, and walks out of my room, not even closing my door after the interaction we just had.

Of course, im ready within three minutes. Because when steve threats something, he sticks to his word. He means it. Of course, on the three minute mark, he starts driving away, as im running outside from our front door. And he almost drives away before finding an ounce of kindness in his heart, and allowing me to get into the car. Steve drives me to school everyday, because the middle school and high school is right next to each other. With him being a junior and me in 7th grade, it seemed more practical for us to go together instead of me finding another ride, i probably wouldn't have one anyway. But, we still don't talk much. Because the drive between our house and the wheelers house is like five minutes, and also were not fond of eachother.

Everyday, nancy wheeler hops into the front seat of the car and greets my older brother with a sweet kiss. Yuck. then she turns around and says, "good morning, sofia!" every day. When we're exiting their cul-de-sac i always see my old friend mike starting his commute to school on his bike, i dont get why we can't just bring him, but i dont wanna have to ask steve anything at any point in my life ever again, so.

I don't think we really have a reason to have a problem with each other, i've always just thought thats how siblings are supposed to be. But i think part of the reason is the fact that we're the only ones each other can take it out on. We share the same trauma and the same feelings of feeling like we have to constantly please everyone else, although, i do think we present that differently, steve has a superiority complex, and always has to be better than everyone, and sometimes that doesn't work out to his advantage, seeming that every teen in hawkins knows him as the douchebag. And i really don't know where he got it from, because the only think i got out of the abuse in my childhood, is more abuse in my adolescence, and probably more to come. I'm thinking i got the short end of the stick here.

I could start this sentence the same way i started the last one, except this time about mike wheeler. I don't really think we have a reason to have a problem with each other. We all used to be close friends, me, mike, will, lucas, and dustin. It was an unlikely group, i will say that. But we worked well together. I loved them like my brothers. They meant alot to me, i mean, they still do, i guess. But we're just not friends anymore. Its like as soon as we started growing up they wanted nothing to do with me. I've thought about it 24/7 since they stopped talking to me, i guess THEY weren't the ones who initiated it, per-se. I guess it was kinda a mutual decision. But for the dramatic effect just think its all their fault.

Anyway, i've come up with the conclusion that us all growing up, i got too bitchy for them. Maybe i was growing into the steve personality i was bound to have? Maybe i was bound to be the next harrington douchebag, since steve would be graduating soon. But i also feel like ive always been the same amount of bitchy. I haven't sensed any more anger in myself than ive always had towards the world. I've always been this bitchy.