a not-so-devastating tornado

toxic revelations

good dear diary, we are a week after meeting our dear Ruel. I am writing to you after this long period because I wanted to see the evolution of our altercations and discussions throughout the week.

Surprisingly our relationship is getting better and better, it is still not necessarily very positive but he has made efforts in his attitude and is much less sarcastic with me.
I'll give you a summary of each day:

Tuesday his behavior was quite similar to the day before, which demotivated me a little by telling me that it was not just a bad day but his character which was bad because it did not improve until yesterday especially but good as you know I will keep hope whatever happens.

The most important thing that happened that day was that he finally came to school to eat on a bench away from everyone but did not prevent him from staying, at first seeing him, I wanted to go him but I said to myself that we still had to keep a minimum of distance between the two of us and that I should not force contact every hour because that would annoy him more than anything else

But otherwise nothing disturbing has happened apart from the few help he asked me for French.

On Wednesday there was a pretty good evolution of his cranky character and we started to get to know each other little by little by asking him how he felt in this new school and if he had met people. He told me in words and short sentences that the only person he was talking to was me, but obviously it couldn't be so well and to retort that he would have preferred to be alone than to start talking to me but with a small laugh. smirk at the end.

IT WAS TOO CUTE
I obviously forgave him, because yes I am more and more interested in this boy but I hope that it will bear these fruits one day and that it is a good decision on my part to want to be attached to him.

Otherwise at the end of the lessons he gave me a little tomorrow in French, which consolidated my choice to want to become friends with and make him more comfortable in this school which will be complicated for me because I am the mouth everyone's hole.

Thursday what happened broke my heart because we had music and I didn't know that ruel had this passion and really he has a high potential in there, but obviously as soon as someone has a talent and assumes it, in my school is the thing not to do except if you want to be humiliated ... I hate these people to the point.

So he started to sing and people started to laugh at him saying "but to get him" ahah he doesn't know how to sing and thinks that it happens, it's pity "" ahh my ears "" his voice is like him: ugly and weird "and the most horrible things than the others.

Either luckily he didn't understand but knew it was mockery and when he understood that he immediately stopped, sat down and I saw his fists clench and his eyes fill with tears. ..

As soon as the bell rang, he left running, slamming the door and the teacher had the nerve to reprimand. On this I replied hatefully that ruel reacted like that because he only got himself down by a bunch of big, finished asses and that he (the teacher) had done nothing to stop these mockeries and did not even congratulate ruel for courage.

Then I also left running to find Ruel and talk to him. Unfortunately I looked everywhere and couldn't find it so I headed to the gym to eat. As I pushed open the door I found myself amazed and relieved because the boy I had been looking for for 45 minutes takes place there, his head between people, insulting the galaxy with all the insults. I approached him throwing him a little "hi its me lilou".

I could see relief in his eyes mixed with shame, his eyes were all red and his cheeks were all wet (it's not very nice of me but when he is sad he is as cute as f0ck, it looks like a kitten 🙊).

I reassured him by telling him that I was going through pretty much the same thing, that these kids weren't worth feeling sorry for because of them and telling him that what he had managed to do was great and he should. get into music. Then there, he gave me a look and started to confide in a way no one had ever confided in me.

He started out that he didn't trust himself especially since this year, he had to move to another country because of the harassment he suffered at school, he had no real friends, all out of interest, he was manipulated more than a ten times and things that people should go through that because of that he kicked out of his school because he gave the school a bad image.

And this year, he promised himself that he wouldn't have any contact with anyone because he didn't deserve to have friends because he was bad luck to everyone but it was nice of me to try to reach him while he was super mean to me. And started a sentence about a girl, looked at me and stopped dead. There was a heavy silence, gave me an embarrassed smile, and skyrocketed to class.

I was in shock really, without even realizing it tears started to fall.

He was doing badly and I didn't know what to do and even today my concern is still so high. So this Friday I am totally exhausted because I have extremely badly and little sleep because all night long I have never felt so bothered by something.

And today, nothing has worked out even everything has collapsed, the beginning of the friendly relationship that we had created.

I arrived next to him asking him how he was doing and didn't answer me at all, not even a look and the more the hours passed the more distant he was with me. I didn't know how to act or say so that we could at least exchange a few words, I was completely lost.

The thing that activated the beast in me was that he was invited to eat with people at noon and in addition to people that I didn t like and he knew it very well. I didn't understand a thing anymore is what he told me all this about hurting me and that he really was a bad person? Impossible, I didn't want to believe it.

Before he took the bus in the afternoon, I came to him in all my senses asking him why he had reacted like this today with me when the day before he was at its lowest and he really did everything the opposite of what he told me and that it was disrespectful to do what he did against me.

And I answer that here I saw the real type of person that he was and that not even in a week he had managed to hurt a person and that it was useless to come back to him and that it was really the worst idea to have gone to confide in a stranger and especially in me.

And he left as if nothing had happened even so directly after what he had just happened that it was visible at 12km that he was very stressful.

Here is

My week rich in emotions even too rich.
I am still in total incomprehension and still so angry, disappointed, sad, nothing positive even if this behavior is a kind of shell to protect oneself from suffering even more because it is impossible that all this is really him because when he is Confided, he showed me that he really was and was kind of a cry for help but I don't know what to do to help him and tell me it's scary.

I'll write to you again if I can find a solution this weekend.