Survivor's remorse (Book 3)

Hello Communication

Chapter 12

There comes a time in a life where you have to pause everything and smoke a fat blunt while listening to SZA.
"Alexa play Good days by SZA"
The song came on and I close my eyes, enjoying these rare moments. Eleanor was in Day care and Qhama was at work, I had the whole house to myself. I took a long drag, then mixed myself a drink. Walking around in the house naked is therapeutic, I gathered my thoughts and went to sit down. Giant was playing with Eleanor's shoe, I got up to make his food. Gave it to him then poured myself another drink.
"Alexa play Ice T by Tems"
I rolled myself another blunt, I heard the front door open and then footsteps.
"You're naked"
It was my darling husband.
Me" I took a shower and was too lazy to look for something to wear"
" Then I decided to day drink and smoke"
He giggled then walked up to me and gave me a kiss.
"Why are you home so early?"
I asked, he was staring at my body. We still haven't done it, he came back from work then left again before I woke up. I'm only seeing him now since our date.
Qhama" We are supposed to be driving to Cape Town remember?"
He sat down and I sat on top of him, we kissed. I decided to dry hump him, he buried his head in my boobs. I unbuckled his belt, he raised his head and we looked at each other.
" Did you use a condom with her?"
I asked and he nodded, I was still hurt about what he did. I however wanted this too, he is my husband and I love him.
" I want you"
We kissed, this time with more passion, his hands on my waist, we were panting, our kisses were filled with hunger. He inserted himself and a little moan escaped my mouth, we kissed again.
"I love you"
I declared, then started moving, changing my pace, letting the pleasure take over. We were scratching and biting each other, I was a porn star in a low budget movie. I was his personal sex slave, he had me at his command. When we both finished I knew I wanted more of these moments, more of him, more of his love, more than the bare minimum. I wanted love and lust, I wanted all of him and nothing else.
"I love you too Claire"
He eventually moved me to the side, he came back with a towel and a dress for me. I cleaned up then wore the dress.
Qhama" We need someone to help out with Eleanor"
Me" No, we are not getting a nanny"
" Hlalumi doesn't mind helping out too, we are fine"
Qhama" Hlalumi is moving"
" We spoke about it yesterday, she is going to finish this year and apply to go teach English in Dubai"
He looked sad when saying that but I also understand why she is leaving. Too much has happened and I support just taking a break from everything and putting yourself first.
Me" How do you feel about that?"
Qhama" It's what she needs, I will support her"
"I just didn't think she would go that far"
Me" I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision"
"We are however not getting a nanny, I'm not sure if I am comfortable with that"
Qhama" We will hire from an agency, I know you don't want to hear this; baby you are now working, Elle is growing up and Giant is becoming more dramatic. We need help, she doesn't have to live here but we need help"
Me" Can I think about it?"
He nodded
" Or use other means to convince me"
I slowly opened my legs and he laughed.

The following day I woke up with Eleanor in my bed and Qhama was next to her.
"When did you two get here?"
I asked, because after our love making we fetch Eleanor at day care together but he got called in to work while we were having a lunch. I went to bed and he was still not back.
Qhama" I got here 3 hours ago"
"We should move to be the main bedroom"
Me" No"
" It's the room you slept with her in and I can't do that to myself"
Qhama" I don't like this room"
"This was her room when she moved in with me. It just has different memories for me"
Eleanor opened her eyes and she looked around, Qhama and I laughed at how surprised she was.
Eleanor" Daddy"
Qhama pulled her close to him and started tickling her. She was laughing.
Qhama" Good Morning Princess"
" Want to take Giant for a walk with me?"
Eleanor nodded, he looked at me.
" I'll buy a new bed if that will make you comfortable, I just want to have more of this"
I don't want to lie, waking up with him in my bed was really amazing.
Me" It's not about the bed. It's about the adultery"
Qhama" I understand"
"Let's go for a walk then we'll discuss this later"
Me" Okay"
He kissed me and Eleanor giggled, I don't know if it was because she has never seen Qhama and I together long enough but today she was extra happy. When we returned from our walk, I went to bath Eleanor. Then packed for the Cape Town funeral trip. Qhama took her to creche and he left for work. I decided to call my mother;
Me" Hey, are you busy?"
Mama" Driving to a meeting"
Me" Qhama's Aunt passed away, so we will be there tomorrow"
Mama" Staying at the house?"
Me" If that's fine with you"
Mama" More than fine"
Me" Thank you, I'll speak to Qhama"
" I'll see you tomorrow"
I ended the call, then carried on packing. I am not even going to pretend like I'm excited about this trip. I quickly telephoned my grandfather to remind him that his birthday is coming up.
Me" Hello Old man"
He laughed
Phiko" Wenzantoni?"
Me" I'm not going to the Golden oldies with you"
He giggled, he loves playing trivia and every Thursday, they have seniors discount and let them play games and eat food at a discount.
" I'll be in Cape Town, remember Qhama's Aunt passed away"
Phiko" You failed to mention that. Iza, come fetch me. We can chat properly"
I laughed because I love this man, he is such an amazing soul. He is my favorite grandfather, it's just easier to be around him.
Me" Give me an hour"
Phiko" This is on me, you're not allowed to pay for anything"
Me" You will have to fight me"
I ended the call, took a shower and quickly packed my things. Went to put them downstairs, took Eleanor's bag downstairs. Then got dressed in black leggings, Oxford university hoodie that I was surprised still looks so good on me. Yeezy 500 Desert Rat sneaker, wore a baseball cap. Took my car keys and finally left, when I arrived in Sunridge the old man was already waiting outside for me. He got in the car and the first thing he did was complain;
" Claire, I don't like this car for you"
I was driving the Range Qhama bought for me as a push present.
Me" What's wrong with it?"
He giggled
Phiko" It just would look better on me"
I roared with laughter, he is almost 80 years old. He wasn't frail, he still drove and looked good for his age.
Me" So you want to drive?"
Phiko" Obviously, I'm older and wiser"
We both laughed, but I still decided to let him drive.
Me" Where are you taking us?"
Phiko" Kanene you don't eat meat"
I nodded he looked at me then smiled
" Awufuni uyitya just for today?"
I used to do that, but when I got older I just never did again. I don't miss it.
Me" Tell you what; you have your steak or whatever and I'll have my coffee"
Phiko" uyadika kanene"
"Fine, iza"
We entered New Brighton and I looked at him.
Me" Where are you taking me?"
Phiko" Siyozimasa"
I giggled, the idea of going to a traditional ceremony wearing leggings and a baseball cap. I honestly thought he was kidding until he stopped the car at a house full of cars.
Me" Why aren't these people at work?"
Phiko" It's a public holiday tomorrow, so they obviously made it the longest weekend"
"South African culture"
His wife came to us, gave me a skirt and then hugged me.
" You both need to stop hijacking me"
I said to her before I gave her a hug, this was her brother's house. My grandfather left me to go greet the other men, and I followed his wife.
"Umtheni uAluchulumanco wam?"
She asked, she is ALWAYS buying Eleanor things. And my little princess love her "Gogo".
Me" Creche, she is enjoying that more than we thought she would"
She introduced me to people, I was actually having a good time. We took a few photos to send to Lona.
" I have to go. I need to fetch Eleanor, Qhama just texted that he just finished his surgery"
Gogo" Nizobuya nini? Come have supper kuthi, we miss you"
I gave her a hug
Me" I promise we will, not sure sizobuya nini though"
Phiko" How are you getting home?"
We all laughed
Me" Drop me off then hahaha"
Gogo" You spoil him too much"
Me" He says the same about you"
Phiko" Masambe Claire"
He kissed his wife's forehead, then whispered in her ear and she smiled then nodded.
Me" I love you Granny"
Gogo" I love you too Claire"
" Greet your mother for me"
Me" Will do, prepare to me a mediator between us. I might kill her if she over steps"
She giggled
Gogo" You know she means well"
I gave her another hug then we finally left, I called Qhama just to tell him that my grandfather is taking the car. He wasn't bothered, the old man dropped me off then I went inside.
Qhama" Are we driving to Cape Town?"
Me" You said we are"
" Should I check for available flights?"
Qhama" Yea, I'll book a car for us"
I stared at him
" What?"
He said
Me" There's a fleet of cars in my family, we really don't need to hire a car"
Qhama" You want me to lend a car? and we already staying at your mother's house"
" I don't know if you get this or I'm dramatic but doesn't that come across as me relying on your finances?"
Me" No, why would you say that?"
Qhama" Yeke"
Me" Please talk to me"
Qhama" It's not about you, certain things I just need to do. Maybe it's about my ego but I just don't feel comfortable with us taking so much from your mother when I can afford to do these things for you"
I had so much I wanted to say. Way too much but instead I just nodded and continued booking our tickets.
Qhama" I'm the son of the help. Your family will always see me as that, I know you don't understand but I've worked way too hard to feel like I'm not good enough to be with you. Yes, it's stupid I know but that's how I feel and I need you to understand"
He was communicating and because of that, I wasn't going to push or say anything else.
Me" Okay babe"