AVALON

Chapter 70 - Catching cold

Thank you to Genetic pudding for the lovely cover :)

Noah POV

I've gone so cold, gone so deep into that place my insides feel frozen.

The colossal fight over. The strongest part of me, the fittest due to the constant use, has won over that small part of me that feels so lost now. So depraved.

And even though I'm cold and numb the triangles of fabric still tied around my chest seemed to be filled with a heat that won't be extinguished. That heat won't let me find the contentment and focus that I normally find here. I'm kept getting drawn into thinking of her, of tonight, of her warmth in my arms.

She was going to kiss me, she wanted to!

Part of me rejoiced, the other part recoiled. My Father's face forms in front of my eyes again as clear as day as it did with her, his commands repeating over and over again. All women are the same, do not trust them. Do not let them touch you.

As soon as her body touched mine when I knew she was seeing me that way, my body went into overdrive, I wanted her so badly but I was hyper inside and I was absolutely certain I would have hurt her, there was no way I could contain that raging part. I imagined biting down on her lips and I just couldn't be near her. To hurt her would be worse than anything. I close my eyes and wince at how strong my father's rules are implanted in my every fibre. It's fucking ridiculous.

For the first time since it all happened I say it out loud. "I hate you." But hearing it makes me realise it's not true. I don't hate him, how could I for wanting to spare me from the shit he went through. 

The last time I was this cold, I almost annilihated Seth's father, I wanted to, I was going to, the only thing that stopped me was the police pulling me off. There's another fear for the pile, that feeling, I liked it. Paying revenge for what my Father went through, what my Mother went through by herself, it felt good. I can't imagine it's normal to feel good while doing that. But that feeling got me through my time in juvie.

I will get through this, I just need time. 

Hearing a jumble of loud voices, I look up to discover I'm parked out front of Tommy's gym, I always end up here when I need to let loose, talk about being on auto pilot. There's a group of guys rowdy and restless waiting in front of the takeway shop next door. Stuffing my keys and phone in my bag I yank the zip across and get out, ready to beat a punching bag until I can't lift my arms for another hit. I need to black out.

I want to go back to her, it's not safe. It's safe here, Tommy knows me, can deal with me.

Slamming the door I hoist my bag over my shoulder and head for the gym door, Tommy's squat figure blocks out the light as he opens the door.

"Hey Princess!" a jeering voice calls out. "Show us your tits!"

"Oh look, what a pretty boy," another calls.  My body stills before I tell it too, it doesn't worry me I'm wearing Avalon's bikini top. I promised her I would, so I will. It's the only thing I really have of her. They continue even though I'm sure I look like a blatant warning sign. The desire to sink my fists in to them right now is almost overwhelming, but if I do and I get caught I won't get to see Avalon. I turn to them, letting my eyes rove over their sneering faces, if I knew them, like I do Seth's gang it would be fine, we don't involve the police on each other, never have, never will... but these guys, they might. I can't risk it now.

"Noah," Tommy's voice sounds from the door. "Leave it son, not worth it."

Deep breaths I tell myself. Think of her, think of her snuggling in to my chest, the feel of her fingers in my hair.