"I'm Trying my Hardest"

Chapter 2: Meanwhile

Roman's P.O.V.

As I made my way down stairs, I was, as usual, greeted by Patton's normal enthusiastic voice. It's not that that's a bad thing! I love Pat! He's like a dad to me and is always there for me no matter what, and I love him for that. Hi Roman! Patton greeted joyfully. Did you sleep good kiddo? Patton asked me while still tending to the eggs he was currently making. Pretty great! I lied. I don't think Logan bought what I was saying because I noticed that he glanced around the room, probably waiting to see if Janus would rise up. I let out a small sigh when he didn't, and Logan went back to reading his book on the chair he normally sat in, located next to the couch that Virgil was sitting in, bundled up in a blanket watching Disney's Mulan. Cute. Too bad he will never feel the same way about me. I was broke from my daze when I realized that Patton had been talking to me but I was too busy day dreaming. So anyway, what do you want for breakfast kiddo? Patton asked absentmindedly. Ummm, I'll just h-have some cereal if that's uh, if that's fine with y-you! I said and quietly cursed to myself under my breath for stuttering. Yeah that's fine kiddo. Patton said, now quieter with a hint of concern in his voice. You feeling alright kiddo? you seem a little.....off today. Patton said, and now you could hear more concern than before. Obviously the others heard it too because when I looked around, everyone was staring at me, concern and worried expressions pasted onto their faces. Yeah Ro, we've all noticed that you've been acting a little lately. Virgil said not noticing how my breathing has dramatically increased. Suddenly I could feel my heart beat speed up, and tears prick the tips of my eyes. I started hyperventilating and I instantly new I was having a panic attack. I stumbled out of my chair and tried to make my way to the stairs, but my vision really getting blurry. Now panic attacks aren't really unusual for me. In fact, they're actually pretty common. The thing is, the only person who knows about my constant um... dilemmas, is Remus and he usually helps me out when it happens, as I do with him, so I was surprised when he didn't show up. I have thought about telling the sides about my anxiety but I don't want to be a bother to anyone. I'm already annoying as it is and.... no, I don't want to do that to them.  But obviously all sides yelling at me all at once wasn't helping. I'm guessing that someone noticed that I was having a panic attack, because someone yelled just loud enough for everyone to hear it over all the chaos. I'm not entirely sure what they said but it didn't matter because at that moment, I felt a very sharp pain right through my head, and it felt like I've had migraine for hours on end, the pain enough to make a grown man cry. All in one single jolt of unimaginable pain. I yelped loudly in pain, as I collapsed onto my knees, still panicking. When I felt that pain, I already knew what was happening. When the pain finally stopped, I looked up and everyone was huddled around me trying to calm me down. It wasn't working. Virgil pushed his way past Logan and Patton to get in front of me, but a reasonable distance away. 

Virgil's P.O.V.

I knew Roman had anxiety but I had no idea it was this bad. I can usually tell when someone is anxious or has anxiety, which is just one of those perks of being the literal living embodiment of anxiety. Roman started hyperventilating and I was surprised that I was the only one who had realized Roman was having an anxiety attack. I tried to talk to Logan and Patton but they couldn't hear me, so they just kept yelling over each other to Roman, which was clearly making him panic more. I wasn't quite sure what to do but I couldn't stand to see Roman like that, so I took a deep breath and yelled.

STOP!!! I screamed praying it wouldn't scare Roman too much. Both Logan and Patton jumped,  and Patton whipped his head around so fast he almost fell over. But Logan was almost immediately by his side to catch him, and out of the corner of my eye I think I saw them blush before quickly standing up and fixing their glasses. I pushed my way past the two love birds to see Roman curled into himself, his knees to his chest and his head down, silently sobbing to himself and breathing uncontrollably. I slowly approached him and sat on my knees, a respectable distance from him and talked in a soft, gentle voice to try to calm him down. Logan and Patton were dead silent, clearly not wanting to interrupt but watching closely. Roman slowly brought his head up, and there was a moment of silence before I quietly asked him "Can I touch you?" he shook his head vigorously and I carefully place my hands on each of his shoulders and spoke softly but stern as to let him know I was certain of what I was saying." I need you to listen to me closely, Roman. Can you do that for me?" I asked him as calmly as I could which was surprising calmer than I expected it to be. He shook his head once again, and I spoke how Logan spoke to me when I had this sort of thing happen. "Okay I need you to repeat after me okay? Do exactly as I do." I started doing the breathing exercise that Pat and Lo had found on the internet for me. "Breathe in for 5 seconds. Hold for 7 seconds. Good, now out for 8." We repeated that for about 5 minutes and then he was calm for the most part. I stood up and held out my hand to Roman. He gladly took it and I walked him to his room. When we got to his room he insisted that he would be fine, but I wasn't buying that anymore. I walked him into his bed but he didn't have any sheets, blankets, or pillows. "Roman where are all your pillows and blankets?" I asked looking over to see that he had turned his head away from me. 

"I-" He started but then stopped.

I stood there and waited fro a second before he continued.

"I d-don't have a-any." He said in a way that almost sounded scared.

"Roman how do you get to sleep, if you don't have any thing to sleep with?" I asked.

"I um... I d-don't." He said nervously.

Roman's P.O.V.

Virgil sighed and walked of my room quickly. He returned into my room holding a large pile of pillows and blankets. Without a word, he made my bed with the purple blankets, and the black sheets and pillows. "Sorry about the dark color scheme, but it will work until we can get you some new bedding." Virgil said gesturing for me to get into bed. A-are you... mad..? I said hesitantly taking a step backwards. "Wha- Oh! Of course not! Vigil said putting his arms up. I just want you to get some sleep. He said a bit softer. Oh okay. I said sheepishly walking up to my bed. I went to pull down the blanket, but I noticed that it was very heavy. "Um, why is it so heavy?" I asked curiously as I climbed into my bed. "It's a weighted blanket. You can keep it if you want. I have another one that I use and they're known for being comforting to people with anxiety. Virgil said as he pulled the blanket over me. Wow, he wasn't kidding! It felt so good to lay down and close my eyes again."Are you good now Ro?" Virgil asked softly. Mhm I mumbled through my scratchy throat from crying. "Can I just ask you you one thing first?" Virgil said. "Sure, what is it?" I asked tiredly, one eye opening slightly. "Why did you collapse earlier today?" Virgil asked curiously. At that, both my eyes shot open, and I sat up faster that I could think. I whipped my head towards Virge but I instantly regretted it. I got really dizzy and had to use my night stand to steady myself. Virgil quickly made his way over to me and put his arms out in case I fell but I didn't. "Woah, calm down Roman, what is it?" Virgil tried to ask calmly but I could hear the slight concern in his voice. "I-it's Remus! Something is wrong with Remus!"