sugarcoated painkillers

REM

it was as cold as the fog surrounding me
the type of cold that cradles you to sleep
the one that invades your nostrils
leaving a scent you're percieving for the first time,
each time.

the light still by my side
warming the parts that coudn't take it
i loved it
and so did she.
as the frozen grass crunched beneath us
disappearing into the distance
so did she.

and a same familiar smell i've never felt before
creeps up in front of me
but it's not the same.
the smile i see makes my void left by the light shatter
gifting me the feeling i've always been waiting for.
i'm taken by the hand to tour
the fallen autumn leaves, the refreshing fog left by the rain
isolating our silohuettes from emptiness.
the feeling of a fucked up future
invades all my senses
comforting like falling onto a bed of leaves,
wrapped in it like a present
and his name is on the tag.

with the air seeping into our bones
and breaths of incense spilling out of his,
we part
but i can't feel it at all
in fact, it's calming to know
the drawings carved into the soil of his palms,
the surface of young skin
are open, almost craving another set
designed by me.

it's like seeing beyond Leopardi's bush wall:
looking at everything he had always desired
without even knowing what it was;
understanding it perfectly
without being able to experience it at all.

the same night
on a freezing couch
already, weaknesses showing like a bare wound
blowing your problems away as if we were carrying them with grace
feels like the smokey blankets won't ever get old
and if they do, they will alongside me

what a heavenly way to die would it be
coughing up my toxic insides
soaked and stained in stale trust
and them being replaced
by abandoned corners
dry paint chipping off old walls
the smell of burnt grass and candle wax
the very fog that was made to be mine
tunes and breaths that send us to hell.

but as everything is, in the still blooming world
the atoms in our body will never part
into the chatastrophy of creation
and for this to be a reality.

and as my eyes open i stare at the star stuck to my ceiling
wondering who it will possess next
and how amazing it can be
that someone you've never met before,
could give you the best feeling you have ever felt,
and exactly what you've always been searching for.