hate me

4 | a disappointment

his pov
i come home from cole's and throw the keys into the bowl. while i take a deep breath, i put off my jacket and throw on a sweater.
in my head i go through some scenarios that could happen now: my mum could be home, but she probably is at work til 10pm today... father will be home and he could either scream at me and send me to my room or he screams at me and gives me a punishment. something like some weeks no going out or stuff. but last time he said it would have more serious consequences, thats why im really nervous..

i step into the living room and my father sits on the couch with a glas full of a liquid. the smell of whisky fills my nose and my hope of a peaceful conversation is blown away.
i clear my throat and witness the head of him turning into my direction.
"son", he begins to mumble, not trying to hide the fact he drank already.
'hello father' i whisper overhearing an unsuccessful try of sounding confident.

"what did i-" he takes a deep breath "say about being impolite?"
'that i shall not do it' i say looking to the ground.

from the corner of my eye, i see him standing up and taking a deep breath. suddenly he turns around and stares into my direction. while i focus myself on having a staring contest with the ground, his hand moves to the vase and before i could react, i can hear a rioting crash.

"your supposed to be a good student! good marks, no drugs, no girls!" he screams angrily while his chest moves up and down rapidly.

"and youre the complete opposite! you are a disappointment for your mother and me!"

i cut my eye connection to the ground and stare at him. i feel a tear rolling down my chin, dripping onto my sweater, soaking into the red cotton.
'you don't mean that' i breathe out.
"oh yes i do! all you do is pulling the name hossler into the dirt" he snaps into my pale face.

'father i-' i try to explain myself.
"no jaden u messed up big this time" he says without a sparkle of understanding.
"you are going to your grandparents for some days, i am tired of seeing your ass"

i inhale air sharply and exhale quickly. i turn around and storm towards the stairs, when i feel a cold hand on my shoulder.
"if u think you can continue like this, you are seriously wrong." his hand on my shoulder gets painful "your mother and i agreed together that you are going to finance your college on your own if we hear another scandal from your asshead" with his last words the pressure on my shoulder decreases and with that he lets me face his back and walks to the whiskey bottle.

without a word, i run towards the door grabbing my keys out of the bowl. with a last gaze into the mirror my blood-shot eyes stare right into my soul. why are you such a disappointment, jaden?