I Take.

1

My hands tremble as I stare into the mirror. I pull at my own hair, wanting to scream out at the sight of my own knuckles. I really hurt her this time. Why can't I just be a good big brother? Why am I like this?!

I pound my fist into the counter top of my bathroom sink, pain shooting through my hand up to my wrist. I fight against the tears, knowing Cait'll come check on me. She always does, it doesn't matter what I do to her, she's such a good person.

"Shawny? Are you okay? I heard a crash," Her voice is timid and her eyes are full of fear. Why does she come around me? All I do is hurt her.

"I'm fine, get outta here before it's you again," I don't mean it, she knows that. Dad's home, I wouldn't dare touch her with him in the house. She's his little princess, he'd kill me. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

"You wouldn't, not with dad here," She says, walking over to me. She takes my fist into her grasp, looking over my knuckles. It's impossible not to love her.

"You know tomorrow's gonna be worse for this, right?" Another empty threat. I probably won't hit her tomorrow, as repayment for this. Plus, I already hurt her pretty badly today.

"That's okay," She mumbles, shocking me. I pull away from her, not sure what to say. She reaches out for my hand again, but I pull back further.

"What do you mean it's okay? That's not okay! I shouldn't hurt you. You know that, don't you?" I ask, she smiles sadly at me.

"Tomorrow you'll say you were lying and I'm the worst thing that ever happened to you," She says. She's right. That's what I'll say. It's not what I mean. I'm a terrible brother.

"Then why do you care about me? Why don't you just leave me to hurt on my own, like I do you?" I don't understand how she can care about me when I hurt her.

"You're still my big brother, I love you. You make sure no one else hurts me, the least I could do is take care of you when you're hurt, right?" No. You should leave me to rot.

"I do that because I'm the only one who can hurt you, I don't wanna see bruises left by anyone else on you. You're mine to hurt, not theirs." It's partially true. I dont want anyone else to hurt her because I should be the only one allowed to put my hands on her body. In any way.

"Shawny, I-"

"No, just go on, I'll take care of myself."

"But I wanna help you."

"I said no."

"I don't care, I'm helping you," She forces, taking my hand back into her own. Her hands are soft. She pulls me closer to her, opens the medicine cabinet, and finds the peroxide and alcohol. She uses the peroxide first, waiting for a reaction, I barely feel it. I'll feel the alcohol, though, I'm sure of it.

I nearly pull my hand away as she pours the alcohol onto it, but I stay in place as she rubs the side of my hand soothingly with her thumb. Why is she such a good little sister?

"You should go to bed," I say as she wraps my knuckles in gauze. She looks up at me for a second, then its my other hand over the end of the gauze long enough to get tape. She tapes up the gauze and takes a step back.

"How bad is the other one?" She asks, her eyes roaming to the hand that's been behind my back basically the whole time since she walked in.

"Not bad," I shrug, looking away from her. She sighs, putting her hand on my arm, tentively asking me to show her. I sigh, pulling my hand out from behind my back, keeping my eyes on her as she looks down at my hand.

Her eyes widen then turn up to me. "How did you even do that?" She asks, as if I hadn't broke it from hitting her. I pull my hand from her grasp violently.

"I did this beating you, you shouldn't be helping me." I push past her, not showing how much it actually hurts me to do so. I love her, I really do, which is why I have to hurt her.