What Now ⇔ Muke ✓

[17] What now

LUKE

Ashton stands in the doorway of the room, his mouth agape as his hazel eyes scan over the scene in front of him. Michael flushes slightly, his lips swollen from mine previously against his. I slowly catch my breath, releasing Michael's wrists from where they were pinned against the wall. They fall limply back down to his sides, and I straighten up, avoiding the curly haired boy's shocked gaze.

"Ashton." I say awkwardly, clearing my throat as I look around my untouched room. My cousin switches his gaze from the purple haired boy to me, trying to figure out the connection between the two of us. I shift under his stare, and Michael sinks against the wall, fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater.

"You're gay." Ashton states, letting his eyes train directly on me. My throat swells up, shutting off my ability to breathe as the idea that Ashton could be homophobic settles like morphine into my bloodstream. A shuddering breath leaves my aching lungs, and I reach out to grab onto my bedframe. I feel Michael's eyes on my from the corner of the room, and the combination of his and Ashton's intense gaze on me makes me sweat.

Ashton deflates a little, the rigidity of his shoulders loosening a bit as he steps further into the room, closing the door behind him. I wince at the sound, feeling trapped inside the claustrophobic atmosphere. "Why didn't you tell me?" the hazel boy asks, his voice much softer than before. My short cousin slips over to my bed, lowering himself on it and slumping over.

I sigh a little in relief, comforted by the idea that Ashton might be alright with it. I walk over and sit beside him slowly. I think through my clustered thoughts, sorting through them for the right answer as I see Michael sit up in my peripheral vision. He quietly steps over to me, pressing himself tightly beside me on the bed, his cheek resting against my shoulder.

His presence comforts me enough to force the words out of my mouth. "I didn't know that I was myself." I say. Ashton stares at me, unblinking. His eyes are soft. I gaze over at the lilac haired boy beside me, and feel a smile take over my lips. He is playing with his fingers, the sweater covering the majority of his hands. His long eyelashes brush against the top of his pale cheeks, his pretty lips pursed together. "Until I met Michael."

Michael lifts his head in surprise, meeting my gaze. His green eyes glimmer in reflection of the dim fluorescent light of the room, and a smile peeks at the corners of his lips. I lift my left arm to wrap around his small shoulders, pulling him closer to my side. Ashton watches with gentle, forgiving eyes silently.

"I missed you guys." He says, his lips pulled into a frown. He looks away from Michael and I, running a hand through his unruly hair as he stares at my blank wall. He looks conflicted, torn in two. Taking a deep breath, he says slowly, "You have to realize how much worry you put everyone through."

I slouch. "I know. I'm sorry."

"You left everyone, Luke. You left your family here, and your friends, the basketball team, your education, everything." Ashton says, his voice low. He doesn't sound angry, but his voice is rough, strangled. As though he is holding back choked up tears. I rub Michael's arm soothingly, knowing Ashton's words must be like daggers to his mind.

"You don't understand." I say simply.

"You're right, I don't." Ashton says, breaking his intense stare with the wall to look at me. He clenches his hands around his knees, muscles prominent in his jaw. "But you have to realize that you can't just disappear like that, and not have any consequences."

"Yeah. So what, is my mum mad? Is she making me go back early?" I guess, drawing tiny hearts on Michael's sweater-covered skin. He is still as a stone beside me, his eyes trained on the intricate woven patters in his jeans instead of us, but I know he is listening.