Still With You | JIKOOK |

aching heart

It has been a long day.
Jimin felt drained yet the more he desired to just sleep, to let the black nothingness take over, the more he couldn’t. Laying on the bed, his tears filled eyes wide open, staring at the barely lit ceiling as he couldn’t stop the rushing thoughts from attacking his mind. 

It had been a long day, flashes from the accident assaulting him as soon as he let his eyes close, it had all happened so fast, all he could remember clearly being his voice calling out for him and then the clash, the fall, the noises all around him, the flashing lights and the scream, someone had been screaming, maybe a passerby, maybe himself, Jimin didn’t know. 

A sob escaped his lips, he hadn’t let himself cry, not even once, during the whole day, he had stood by everyone’s side in silence, offering them comfort when he could, doing his duty, not allowing himself to break, to let his frail walls crumble.

Yet he was alone now, laying on a bed that felt way too big for his lonely frame, alone as tears welled in his eyes, but he still refused to let them go, holding onto the hope that he could endure it without breaking.

But Jimin was only human, his chest aching at each breath he took, his throat held in a tight invisible grip and mind overwhelmed by uncountable thoughts and feelings, regert, anger, sorrow, hate, everything in him was a dark blob that threatened to devour him from the inside.

Jimin was only human, his nose tingled and tears broke the dam, streaming down his cheeks and temples uncontrolled. 

They were hot against his skin but he didn’t feel like brushing them away, there was no need for that, he knew they wouldn’t stop any time soon. 

Sitting up Jimin let his back rest against the headboard, his knees brought to his chest and arms hugging them tightly, sobs shaking up his frame, eyes looking straight against him where he knew dozens of polaroids where smiling back at him, cruelly reminding him of what had once been, of what he himself had destroyed.

Jimin knew it had all been his fault, no one had voiced it but he knew everyone was aware of that too, he had seen it in the way they had looked at him.

Another sob shook him up, turning his head to the side he let the night sky comfort his pained heart, the city was just as lively as always, the wide window framing it just like always yet something felt different, something was missing and he knew all too well what it was.

If he focused enough he could picture the younger still there, sitting on the large windowsill and facing the glass surface, observing the view as if that was the first time, honeyed skin kissed by the moonlight, starry eyes admiring the dark expanse. 

That had been such a common view, Jimin had woken up in a cold bed and found the other sitting there so many times in the past months, yet he had never stopped feeling that deep pain each time, it had always disappeared the moment their eyes had met, but the fear came back every time the older was left alone, the fear that one day Jungkook wouldn’t be there looking at the night, but gone, far from him, too far for him to reach. 

If he focused enough Jimin could lie to himself and believe that memory was true, but there was no will left in him to do so, Jungkook wasn’t there, no, and that was all his fault, he had lost him and it was all his fault. 

Jimin knew that even when the younger would wake up there was no way they could come back to what they had, which was the right thing, he knew, but it still hurt horrendously.