Lay Me Down

30. Too much. (and Afterword)

{Jon}

The Klassens' garage was not recognizable as anything as commonplace as a space to store tools and a vehicle. One half resembled a recording studio, with a sound board and half a dozen guitars lining the wall. A handful of kids Jon knew from church were piled on a couch the size of a small yacht, playing NFL football on the big screen, or helping themselves to Cokes from the mini fridge behind the bar. Album covers and band posters plastered the walls; opened bags of chips and pizza boxes littered the floor around the couch.

"You know everybody, right?" Kadee said. A couple kids flicked him a look or gave him a smile, and Jon found a spot on the end of the couch. He slid down, easing his rib and trying to remember a couple of their names. He felt like his whole body was pounding in time to the music, and the pain was making him tense and nauseous.

Kadee brought him a Coke, cracking the top and passing it to him, fresh and cold. He smiled gratefully at her. She bent down beside him to speak close to his ear. "You doing okay?"

The smell of her shampoo and the curve of her arm as she tucked her hair behind her ear, looking at him for his answer, made it easy to say, "Yeah, I'm good."

She took a spot on the floor in front of him, her shoulder just touching his leg, and Jon tried to relax. This was the invitation he'd been wishing for all year: a chance to hang out with new friends. He felt like there was a red-hot band around his rib cage, tightening every time he breathed. He closed his eyes, trying to drop his breathing into his stomach, to sing a song with it like Cary had showed him. He had days and weeks to go with this pain grinding on him, and there was no one who could make that better. He was on his own to deal however he could.

His bottle of pain pills was fisted in his good hand, and he tried to count back the hours since he had taken one. He was pretty sure it had been hours. And they weren't working like they were supposed to. He pressed the lid against his jeans and cracked it open with one hand, shaking two into his lap. He put the bottle in his hand on the broken side and twisted the lid back on securely. These were his lifeline through the next couple weeks. He washed two down with Coke, the fizz stinging his nose.

END BOOK II OF THE SCARS TRILOGY.

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Afterword and Thanks

When I published HIDING in 2014, I already had scenes written about what happened next. I didn't feel done with Cary, so I dug into stories from abuse and PTSD survivors to explore what his healing journey might look like in the year that followed. At the time, I wasn't sure I had enough material for a novel-length project—little did I know his story would spin into a three-book series! This trilogy became a thing because of reader friends who asked for more. Their interest gave me the courage to start my Patreon page to fund the developing project, and more recently to launch  my Wattpad profile and make my books available here.

Being an indie author means I value and rely on the creative gifts of others around me to see my handwritten pages become an actual printed novel, and I am so grateful for the creative team who gave their gifts to Lay Me Dow:

Thanks to Jess Wiberg for a gorgeous, eye-catching cover design, and to Amy Robertson for poring over every jot and tittle of the manuscript with her editing pencil. Thanks also to Teylor Prestie, an up-and-coming illustrator, for creating the sparrow cover image, which beautifully captures a key theme from the book.

I am indebted to Anna Paulucci for giving me her blessing to use a character she created for a poem in college. Split-lip was so vivid in her work that he stuck with me all these years and took on a life of his own in the world of Cary's visions and dreams.

So much love and gratitude to my children for their understanding on the days when I disappear into my writing, leaving them to forage for crackers and almost-clean clothes until their mom re-emerges.

Logan, my heart, you are my partner in this as everything. Thank you for patiently listening to me while I verbally processed all the many twists and turns this story has taken, and for believing that I absolutely should give time and energy to my writing.

I can't wait to share the rest of this story with all of you! As I write this (October 2020), the second half of the manuscript for WAKE, the third book in the Scars trilogy, is with my editor, and the first half of that book is ready for release here on Wattpad. We're hoping it's out in print before Christmas 2020... fingers crossed and pencils sharpened! I'm grateful to have this space on Wattpad to find more readers who love what I do--sharing my writing-in-progress and interacting with readers along the way is candy for my writing machine. I have never been as prolific as I have been this fall, haha. All your votes, comments, shares and adds to your reading lists are SO appreciated!

Lastly, thank you, lovely readers, for picking up this book. Amidst all the noise and clatter of our busy lives, I pray this story creates a quiet space for you to hear a voice of grace and welcome. You are not alone on your journey.

Love and peace,

Mumma R.