It had been four days since he last saw Louis, which was a lot to him considering they had spent almost every moment together since he got out of the hospital. Of course, he expected this. The moment he said the words and saw Louis' confused face, he felt the perfect glass bubble surrounding them shatter, and now, he was left in the pieces, wondering what he could possibly do to make everything okay again.
His phone buzzed in his lap as he laid in bed. Another call from Gemma, but he wasn't going to answer. What would he even say? Although he knew he deserved to be chastised for his words, he didn't feel like hearing it from her. He didn't feel like being reminded that Louis was delicate, that he could've just made Louis feel worse. And what made this all worse was that he lived so close to him. As much as he should give him space, he wanted to just go downstairs and make all of this better, but what could he even say? He still wasn't sure what he felt, much less what he should say to Louis about his feelings.
He let out a heavy sigh.
Of course he loved Louis. He always would care about him deeply; Louis knew him in such an intimate way that no one else had. Still, he wasn't sure if he was still in love with his ex-husband. So much damage had been done during the divorce, so many words said that couldn't be unsaid. And even long before the divorce, there were so many fights that had completely made Harry resent him. How could all of that just go away? Practically, how could either of them be expected to just move on and forgive each other for everything, or even forgive themselves for the mistakes they made?
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, and although he knew it likely wasn't, he hoped against all hope that it was Louis. He rolled out of his bed and trudged towards the door. Who could possibly need him on a weekend of all days?
Irritated but still a little hopeful, he swung the door open and was disheartened to see his sister at the door, her hands on her hips and her lips pursed into a tight frown. She looked just like their mum when she was mad, and it made him miss her a little more than usual. He knew his mum would know how to help him. She always loved Louis.
Without waiting for an invitation, Gemma shoved her way past her brother and sneered at the state of his house.
"Housekeeper had the week off?" She spun in a circle and gestured at the discarded pizza box and several piles of clothes. Admittedly, his house was already neglected before considering he had spent all of his time with Louis, but since that day, things had gotten significantly worse. Although the apartments came with optional housekeeping, he felt guilty using it too frequently and would feel outright embarrassed if she had to deal with this disaster.
"Haven't felt up to cleaning," he retorted as he sank himself into his couch and cradled his head into his hands. "What are you doing here?"
"Well," Gemma began as she sat herself beside him, wrinkling her nose and tossing aside a pair of pants. "I was nearby visiting El and thought I would see you and Louis."
She said his name like a question, pausing to see if he would volunteer information. When he didn't move to reply, he continued.
"Of course, you haven't been answering your phone, and neither has Louis. At first, I thought you just wanted to be alone together, but after a visit to Louis' first, I quickly saw that wasn't the case."
Harry lifted his head to peer at her, an eyebrow raised. He wanted to ask how he was, but he didn't want to give her the satisfaction. For some reason, he felt immensely irritated at his sister. This just didn't feel like her business. Finally, he spoke.
"And how was that?"
She snorted humorlessly.
"He's as bad as you are, though he isn't naturally as messy it seems," she said. Before, that would've made Harry feel good to know that Louis felt just as bad as he did, but now, all he felt was deep guilt and nausea. "What happened?"
