Sure I never asked to be here... I never asked to be alive... But why the hell would he just do this?.. He's never around, he doesn't spend time with me, he'd rather ruin some other woman's life and give her a child rather than hang out with his own son! I always kept wondering "why?. Why doesn't he hang out with me? Why doesn't he care? Is there something wrong with me, am I the problem?.." Even though my uncle tells me it's his fault and I shouldn't even think about it, my mind always blames myself.. I'm too lazy, I'm selfish, I'm irritating, I'm stupid....useless even.. I don't want to care for myself because there are people who need love and support and I'll gladly be that for them.. I don't want others to worry because they're wasting time on me.. I'm trying to hold on, trying to be better for mom, for Joclede, my friends, but I don't see the point anymore... I was useless back then and I'm still fucking useless now. They don't need a depressed anxiety suicidal person around who will just end up hurting everyone around them..i want to die, but I'm too chicken shit to even go through with it.. I don't care anymore... I fuck up anything.. I'll probably fuck up any relationship I have, not good a job, and just die off where no one will see or care... It's better that way..
