Undeniable love

After what happened

...your head hits the floor as you see Spencer running towards you as you hear him yell "someone get the ambulance now" he picks your head up onto his lap you see how he is covered in your blood you can't hold your eyes open so you slowly close them you hear him tell you "y/n please don't leave me please I love you so so much please don't go" as you hear hotch pull him off you get into the ambulance and everything goes dark..
*many hours later*
You wake up as you look around you relize you're in the hospital the whole team had fallen asleep on the chairs and small couch everyone except hotch he walks up you too and grabs your hand and whispers "how are you feeling" you whisper back "like hell what happened" he sits on the side of your bed and begins to explain " you where taken while undercover you were in a remote barn around Maryland when we finally got there the unsub shoot you in the head as we were taking him into custody" he says with a sigh "you look at him as he look at your arms and your chest that were covered in the cuts and you could tell he felt responsible you give him a smirk and say " hotch without you I wouldn't be alive thank you so much" as you start to tear up you see penelope spring up and hug you so tight as she starts to ramble asking if you are hungry or thirsty or if you needed anything slowly everyone started to wake up and hug you that's when you relize spencer isn't here everyone noticed the look you had Emily grabbed your hand as she ushers everyone out she holds your cheek as she starts to say "y/n Spencer was really scared seeing you like that he couldn't take it so we took him over to jjs so that's why neither of them are here" "oh that's ok I was just worried" you say as your heart sinks
*sometime later in the day*
After hours of the team siting around watching tv and eating hospital food you could tell they wanted to leave so you tell them "guys it makes me so happy to know that my team loves me so much but u guys need to get home what if there is another case" you see everyone look at eachother as they grab their stuff to leave you kiss everyone good bye and get your big mamma bear hug from Penelope once everyone left Morgan stayed behind he sits right next to you on the bed gives you a kiss on the head and asks "how are you feeling" you respond with a chuckle and say "I'm still as smart as ever so I'm good" you see a look on his face of worry as he says "how are you really feeling" that's when it hits you you look down at your arms and chest and it hit you all over again the pain of him pushing the blade into you skin and how much excruciating pain you were in when he forced himself into you grabbed onto Morgan as you sobbed into his chest and he just held you as you explained to him what happened you could tell he was holding back his anger and rage he sat you up and told you "I will never let anyone or anything hurt you ever again" you nod as you wipe your tears "do you still want me to go" he says with look of concern you while sniffling you answer "yes please go rest I will be fine" he gives you one last kiss on your forehead as he walks out you put yourself underneath the covers of the bed as you reach for your phone you go to text spencer (hi Spencer just wanted to let you know I'm ok)  you put your phone down as the nurse walks in with your food you thank her but you have no appetite you go to use the bathroom when you walk in you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror you instantly drop to the ground you pull yourself into the shower as you let that water run over you you reach behind your head to feel where you were shoot it feels to small compared to the pain you feel inside you can't help but feel dirty like every single part of you was disgusting all you could do was cry into your hands trying to make as little sound as possible after attempting to pull yourself together you back to your bed the nurse and brought you dinner you still had not appetite so you throw the food into the toilet so they didn't think you were purposely not eating
*four days later*
After being in the hospital for days they clear you too go home the only time you weren't in pain is when they gave you your pills Morgan had come to help you get home he held your hand the whole way home but he could tell you were thinking about Spencer "y/n have you reached out to Spencer" you just slumped down and told him how you had texted him days ago and that he never answered when he got all of your stuff back to your apartment he sat with you and told you " you too are so close he is just trying to make sense of what happened" you lay on his shoulder "thank you"
"Anything for you baby girl" he says as he gets up to leave "text me if anything ok" you nod as you get up to close the door behind him and then it hit you again the feeling of dread the feeling of dirtiness you scrabble to your purse as you pull out the pain meds you take two as you sit on the couch as it kicks in you forget the feelings you had before you feel good as new again...