Medicinal Kisses

74

m e d e c i n a l   k i s s e s

74

➳

"Rosie!" nakangiting bati sa 'kin ni Ryde nang makasalubong ko siya sa hallway ng ospital. Sinuklian ko ang ngiti niya bago kami pumagilid na dalawa upang mag-usap saglit. "Sa'n ang punta mo? Break time mo 'di ba?" usyoso niya.

Tumango ako. "Oo. Pupunta lang akong caf. God, I'm starving."

Umirap pa ako sa kawalan upang ipakitang nagugutom na talaga ako. Totoo naman 'yon. It's just not food I was craving for, but Alab's lips.

Sumandal si Ryde sa pader at inalis ang suot niyang specs upang linisan ang lens n'on gamit ang kaniyang panyo. "You've heard about the new patient?"

"Yes, I did," I replied. "Alab mentioned nga rin, e. Is it that serious?" 

"Turns out he's the guy convicted of killing Tilly's dad." 

Namilog bigla ang mga mata ko. What? 

Frustrated now, he ran his hands through his hair. "It's fucking messed up. Nagkataong si Tilly pa ang naka-assign na nurse niya. Alab advised her to stop whatever madness she's thinking kasi puta, that's deadass weird, bro. Nursing your father's killer? Is she insane?"

"W-why would she even do that?"

Is this the discussion Alab and Tilly necessarily had yesterday? I sucked the insides of my cheeks kasi naiinis at masama pa rin ang loob ko tungkol sa nangyaring 'yon. Yes, I made it seem like I couldn't care less by saying "Okay lang 'yon" pero duh? Kailan 'yon magiging okay? 

Ayoko lang na maging annoying and nagging girlfriend lalo na't nag-explain naman na siya. I want to grow for him. For us. Besides, he was always the one compromising between us these past few weeks. Kapag gusto kong mag-party, sinasamahan niya 'ko. Kapag gusto kong mag-retail therapy, siya nagbabayad ng mga luho ko. 

It's not like I force him to! Kusang-loob niya naman 'yon. It's not my fault he loves me too much.

"That woman's weird," Dr. Ryde noted, still talking about Tilly. "And the way she holds herself irks me. Basta. 'Di naman ako judger pero parang siya 'yong mga babaeng manlilinlang? She gives me evil witch energy." He cringed and brushed both his arms as if he's having the tingles.

"I think you're judging her too much. Sige na, kakain pa 'ko," paalam ko na.

"Sus. Alam ko namang magmomol lang kayo ni Alab sa Locker Room. Ikaw talaga, Rosie. Pa-caf caf ka pang sinungaling ka."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Alam mo naman pala tas tanong-tanong ka pa."

Nang makarating sa Locker Room ay kaagad kong hinanap si Alab. We usually made out at the farthest aisle kasi wala gaanong occupants ang lockers doon. Ngiting-ngiti ako dahil gusto ko sana siyang gulatin, ngunit bago ako makarating sa sulok ng espasyo ay napatigil ako nang marinig bigla ang kaniyang boses.

"You did what?" Alab's tone was dripping with venom. Kumunot ang noo ko. Who is he with?

"Hindi ko pa nagawa, okay? But I will! That guy's Satan incarnate, Alab! Anong gusto mong gawin ko, hayaan na lang siyang mabuhay? Para ano? Para marami pa siyang mabiktima ulit? He's a murderer! He killed my Dad, remember?"

"But it's not your place to decide whether he lives or not. Jesus Christ, Tilly. The man's attached to a machine. Walang kalaban-laban."

"Exactly my point! Removing his life support would be easy as fuck. Why are you even defending that son of a bitch?"

"I'm not defending him. It's just..." he trailed off.

Nasapo ako ang aking bibig sa gulat. Ryde was right! Tilly's going insane. She had the right to resent that man but his death alone does not fall upon her hands. She's a nurse. Dapat bumubuhay siya ng mga pasyente, hindi 'yong... God. This is so messed up!

"It's what?" Tilly probed.

I peeked over the lockers and saw them facing each other. Umaagos ang mga luha ni Tilly sa kaniyang pisngi samantalang lukot at problemado naman ang mukha ni Alab. Tension filled the air and I almost forgot how I was eavesdropping on their conversation, which is so low of me. This is like going to a party I wasn't even invited to! 

Hindi ko naman 'yon sinadya at nagkataon lang. But what are the odds, right? Bumuntong-hininga ako at aalis na sana upang bigyan sila ng privacy nang magsalita si Alab.

"It's wrong," he said.

"Wrong? So ngayon morally upright ka na? You really think you're a saint—"

"I don't but—"

"But what?" She paused, then she cackled afterward. "If you're really right, and if you're really this good man you're trying hard to portray, then why did you use your goddamn connections so I could get a spot here in the hospital? What happened to climbing up the ladder fair and square?"

His jaw clenched. "Tilly, stop."

"Why? Kasi natatakot kang mapagtanto mo kung gaano ka kahina pagdating sa 'kin, Alab? Go on, tell me," she challenged, folding her arms over her chest. "You can't, right? Because truth is, you've always been my little bitch. You'd even date another woman to forget me. Pero anong nangyari? Isang tawag ko lang kahapon, pinabayaan mo na si Rosie."

Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko. What the fuck? I couldn't move any muscle because of what I heard. I couldn't even properly breathe! No. Hindi totoo ang sinasabi ni Tilly. Alab's intentions on me are as pure as they can get! As lily-white as they can be! She's bluffing!

"That's not true," he whispered in a strained voice.

"Really? Then why did you have sex with me last night? May girlfriend ka na. Successful ka na. Why don't you just admit it, huh? Simula noon hanggang ngayon, ako pa rin ang mahal mo. You love me so much it scares you."

In retrospect, I could have handled hearing everything she would have said afterward, but as a woman who knew she was hurt and disrespected in every fucking way, I chose to step forward and walk away. 

Sometimes we think someone's perfect not because they are, but because we choose to see them in such light. We paint them with golden brushes and bright hues and everything beautiful. But there's only so much superficial colors can cover. Sa huli, palaging nananaig ang katotohan. And sadly for me, this is our truth.

Mahal ko si Alab pero pagod na 'ko. This relationship is a lie. Kasi kung totoong mahal niya rin ako, ba't sasaktan niya 'ko ng gan'to?