I Don't Feel the Pain »» roisa ««

Gone

I sank to my knees and pulled my own hair out of frustration.

I cried.

And cried.

And screamed.

And cried some more.

"Rose?!" Emilio rushed into the room and saw me on the floor having a breakdown.

I couldn't respond.

I was too busy choking on my own tears.

He knelt down next to me and tried to help me up. He helped me to the blue couch on the left side of the room.

I kept inhaling sharply, trying to calm my breathing.

It didn't work.

I was wasting my breath.

Wasting it on the words, "She's gone. Luisa is gone."

Over and over.

I couldn't stop myself from saying them.

They just fell from my mouth.

Emilio tried to get my attention back towards him. "Darling, maybe if you just explain to me who you think Luisa is, it will help you."

Rage flooded my entire body.

"I don't 'think' Luisa is anyone! I KNOW she's real! I love her too much!" I screamed.

Why.

Why.

Why.

I'm wheezing. "What is happening?" I mumble to myself.

I already felt like I'm dying once.

But this is so much worse then dying.

I'd rather be dead.

"Rose, please talk to me. I need to know what's happening to you."

I look at him through blurry vision.

"I just DIED and then I woke up here, back in the Marbella. Somewhere I haven't been in years! And that's not even the strangest part. Luisa, your  daughter, and the person I love the most in the world, is just gone!"

"Babe, you've been living in the Marbella with me for the past 3 years. And you never died. You probably just had a nightmare. And for the last time, I don't have a daughter, and I never have had a daughter. Ever."

What the fuck.

Where is Luisa?

Where is my soulmate?

Then, it hit me.

"I'm dead aren't I?" I ask.

"What?" He asks in shock.

"I died, in that hospital. She killed me."

"Who killed you? What are you talking about?" Emilio replies.

"Don't play that fucking game with me. This is hell isn't it?" I stand up, because...

I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid.

I AM NOT AFRAID.

"I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND I'M NOT AFRAID!"  I scream at the top of my lungs.

I ran into the kitchen.

I opened the drawer where the knives were kept.

There was only one way to escape.

Escaping was my only option.

I can't stay here.

Torture me all you want.

But I refuse to believe the love of my life never actually lived.

I pull out the largest knife in drawer.

I hesitate.

But don't stop.

I turn it over.

Grab it with both hands.

And plunge it into my own chest.

I gasp and fall to the ground.

The pain is unreal.

But it's much better then being without Luisa.

The world falls silent and my eyes close.

But even when my body's life is drifting away, the clearest image horrifies my mind.

She is back.

"Nice try, Clara. But I'm not going anywhere."

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"Psst. Rose? Wake up love." I hear gently next to my ear.

That voice.

The one I loved.

The one I missed.

I open my eyes slowly, scared of what I might see.

I only wish I opened the quicker, so the joy could have come to me faster.

"Luisa?" I squeak out.

"Of course it's me, silly." She giggled.

"Arrggghh." I groaned and my hand met my forehead.

Why does my head hurt so bad?

Why is Luisa the one next to me?

It didn't matter.

I had her back.

"Hey." She cocked her head and looked at me confused. "Are you okay?"

Am I?

Maybe that's the question I needed to ask myself.

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