final chapter

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this will be the final chapter however, there will be 2 kind of side chapters that i doubt will be very long. but uh, grab your tissues and enjoy chapter 6🥲(trigger warning: death)

i smiled. i was about to be a dad! i ran to the room with my hopes up only to see that myra wasn't there, i had completely forgotten. linda came over and rested her head on my arm
"hey, i'm sorry rich, truly. j-just take a seat and i'll bring over your baby"

i hadn't fully processed that myra was dead until i was alone in the room where she spent her last moments. i rested my head in my hand, first eddie, now myra, who's next?
linda came in with a bright smile,
"congratulations mr tozier, she's gorgeous"

she handed me the baby ever-so carefully. she was as light as a feather, i didn't feel safe holding her, what if i drop her? the last time i held a baby was when i was 10 and i dropped that baby at least 3 times..

i looked into her chocolate eyes and all i could see was eddie. in a way, it was so reliving seeing eddie's baby sleeping in my arms, this was all i'd ever wanted, but one part of me was telling me that this really wasn't right.
no, a promise is a promise. myra trusts me to raise her baby so i'm going to do it. for eddie.

i was taking in the sight of the delicate baby cradled in my arms when i heard a knock,

"just me" linda smiled
"how are you holding up rich?"

i shrugged, "o-okay, she's beautiful huh?"

"she really is, thought of a name yet?"

holy cow- i forgot i had to name it-

"no, i only had a name for a boy, could you help?"
linda's face lit up, she squealed like a little girl through the excitement, i smiled

"YES! uh, what name did you have for a boy?"

"i- uh- eddie. eddie tozier"

linda smiled, it seemed as if she.. knew?

"that's nice, how about ellie? that's similar?"

i shook my head, we both looked around the room thinking of names. i tried to think of all the girls i knew. myra? no, that's his mom, too weird. maggie? nice.. but no. linda? she would be pretty happy.. i had just about settled on linda when another name came to mind
"BEVERLY" i shouted, waking the baby up by doing so.
linda smiled "cute! beverly tozier it is!"

i nodded. maybe i could be happy after all.

a couple hours passed and i had fallen asleep with my newborn baby in my arms. another nurse shortly came into the room to take the baby for some tests. i saw her face drop as she looked at the baby.
"is.. something wrong?" i started to panic,
"mr tozier, how long has this baby been asleep?"
i shrugged "i- have no idea.. maybe around 3 hours?"
the nurse shook her head in what seemed to be disbelief, two more nurses came in and did the exact same. i couldn't take it.

"WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHATS HAPPENING?!"
the nurses looked at me with their mouths wide open, shocked at how loud i just yelled at 4am.
"s-sir, your baby has stopped breathing completely"

my face turned pale.
"b-bu-but you can save her. right"

the nurses looked at eachother with pity in their eyes. until one of them sighed and put her hand on my shoulder.

"your baby has been unconscious for 3 hours sir. i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"
no, no.

i clutched onto the baby, there is no way i'm loosing her too. the nurse tried to take her from my arms but that made me squeeze even harder
"WHY WHY? WHY HER? WHY NOT ME INSTEAD! PLEASE. please.. i can't.. i need her"
i broke down as i loosened my grip and had the baby taken away from me. i have nobody. everyone leaves, why? what did i do wrong?

the nurses tried to comfort me but i didn't want comforting. i just wanted her back, eddie back. i ran out of the hospital crying more than i ever had before. i ran, as far as my legs could carry me, i didn't stop for miles. i ended up at the airport. an idea was planted in my brain as if it was a seed starting to grow into a plant.
i have to do this.

i walked into the airport knowing i was being stared at. as i approached the front desk to purchase a ticket, he looked confused
"no luggage sir?"

"n-no," i said "i don't need any"

"uh.. okay? how can i help"

i gulped.. no turning back
"a- um- one way ticket to derry please"

"derry.. maine is it?"
i nodded as he typed something into his computer. he handed me a ticket and wished me a safe flight. pfft.

*time skip*

i was so exhausted to do anything that i almost chickened out, but that's not me. a commitment is a commitment, i have to do this. i stumbled to the first place i could think of, kissing bridge.

damn you rich. of all places you could've picked, you picked here. idiot idiot idiot. i kneeled upon the moss and fell backwards into a slump, my eyes started to well up.

"e-eds, ar-are you there?"
i waited, for a good few minutes, psh, like he's gonna answer. my head fell into my hands and i broke down, again. just as i was about to walk away, i felt something, the presence from the previous time, my eyes shot up, i sniffled,
"eddie?"
just as the words left my lip, a white feather landed on my shoulder. i chuckled slightly as tears left my eyes, he was here.

i sighed, do i really want to do this? course you do. no turning back i guess, a commitment is a commitment. using what felt like the last part of energy in my entire body, i clutched onto the plank of wood i was leant against and hesitantly turned around. i stared as my eyes turned glossy again, the infamous R+E was set upon my gaze. i rested my cheek against the initials as i began to empty my pockets, i threw everything onto the floor as hard as i could.

as i stood up, i physically felt my heart shatter. i rested my elbows on the fence, the only thing between me and the 12ft drop to rock pool underneath me. i punched the wood in anger.

"t-this is all my fault"
i whispered through my sobs
"i killed your baby.."
"i-i couldn't s-save her"
"just like i couldn't save you eds"
"i'm sorry, i'm so so sorry"
"i'll see you soon eddie"

i stared at my phone, waiting for something, i have no idea what i was expecting, maybe someone to tell me that this wasn't my fault, but no.. they'd be lying if they said none of this was my fault.

without giving it another thought, i climbed over the fence and let go. as i did so, i saw eddie, we were younger, we were happy and then.. everything went dark. it was over.

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