Caught Up In Love

Chapter 1 Sidharth

I'm exhausted.

But that's quite normal for a single dad who is struggling to balance his workload and his 4 years old kid. I am fortunate enough to have the support of my family or else this would have been worse than a nightmare. Yash is a good kid but even good kids face problems when they don't have a mother figure in their life. I know what growing up without a parent feels like and I hate the fact that my Yash would have to face something like that at such a tender age. My dad left us when I was just 21 years old and I still couldn't bear his loss. But Yash doesn't even properly know what the concept of having a parent means exactly and he just lost his mother. First few weeks after Noor's death were really tough with Yash asking for her all the time but with the help of my mom, I learned how to take care of my son alone without making him feel the loss of his mother.

My Noor's death took a toll on both us. It has made me more emotionally attached to my child and now my entire world only revolves around him. My life personally has taken a huge turn too, I and Noor were together for 7 years and the guilt of not having her in my life anymore haunts me after her untimely death. I loved Noor. I really did.

I miss her and the stability she provided to my home. I miss the way she took care of both me and Yash.

"God", I whisper and run my hand over my face trying to calm myself down and not spiral downward on the path of anxiety and stress. Life after Noor hasn't exactly been easy. My work has suffered a lot after the plane crash and the number of leaves I have taken for looking after Yash would have been enough to leave me penniless if I did not run my own business.

My sisters and mother have been acting as my saviours since Noor's death. They have been constantly checking up on me and Yash to make sure that both of us were doing okay. My sisters are complete professionals with no time for family life and are often at their wit's end when I tell them to take care of Yash. And it's going to get tougher because one of them is soon shifting to another city for work.

"Ugh", I say out of frustration as I run my hands through my hair. I have been sitting in front of my laptop for the past 2 hours trying to catch up on 3 months of pending work but in vain because I can't seem to focus on anything except the fact that I am going to be lonelier soon. With Priya gone and Nita taking care of my mother after work, things are sure to get harder.

They both have been taking care of Yash in my absence but ever since my mom's health worsened, Nita's responsibilities have increased and I don't want to burden her further with Yash. But I can't help but look for support because being a full-time dad is a big job and even me, The Sidharth Shukla is not perfect at it and the reason for that is my Noor.

She was a full-time mom and a perfect homemaker; she took care of me like a good wife and was with me whenever I needed her. Her absence has made me realise the important role she played in making my life smooth and full of love.

I feel tears filling my eyes as remember Noor's beautiful face and soft eyes, she was very pretty but humble and full of affection. She gave me the greatest gift of my life, my Yash but left us.

It should've been me.

And that makes me stomach twist with pain because it's the truth.

"Don't think about it, don't think about it", I repeat. I see a message pop on my phone screen, it's from my friend Piyush.

Hey, Sid. Have you seen the list of potential candidates for Yash's nanny that I sent you? It's really urgent, we can't lose more time. Do you have any idea how hard it is finding nannies nowadays?

His text brings me back to reality and to the situation at hand. Due to my sister Priya's shifting to Bangalore and Nita being stuck between work and taking care of my mom, they have decided that it's a good idea for me to hire a stay at home nanny for looking after Yash.

I don't want to give the care of my son to some other person but I can't help it. Of course, no one will be able to take care of Yash the way Noor did but additional help would be useful for me. But still, no matter how hard I try, I can't imagine seeing another woman in my house, doing the stuff that Noor used to do for both of us.

I am not exactly in favour of this nanny situation but I can't blame anyone, Nita Di already has a lot on her plate and my mom is not in the condition to look after my son. I could take care of him but I can't my leave my work any longer, it has already been 3 months.

My son and I have grown a lot closer in this time. We were always close but the pain of losing the woman who loved us both brought us closer than ever before. The idea of having a complete stranger come into my house to take care of my son, is not exactly reassuring but the fact that they have been selected by my friend Piyush, who is my most trusted confidant, gives me a sense of relief. Also. I will be able to monitor how she takes care of Yash when she comes to stay with us anyway so I guess it would be okay.

Hey buddy, I have seen the applications and I think that we can go forward with Vrinda, Ritika and Shehnaaz. I text him back, realising that it is not going do me any good to delay the appointment anymore.

That's perfect Sidharth. So those are the selected candidates. Don't worry, I will be interviewing them myself to make sure that they are perfect for Yash. I took these references from the agency from where we got our Ziya's nanny and trust me, she's amazing. Yash will start school soon and a nanny will make the whole thing a lot easier and then you can come back to work asap. His reply makes me feel a little better. I trust Piyush and his wife Jiya as much as I trust my own family so I am sure he would take care of everything perfectly.

Thanks, Piyush. I owe you one for this. You are a good friend to me.

No problem Sid. Take care and come for dinner soon. We'll get through this together. And I finally feel relieved because I know that as long as he and my family are here, everything might just be okay.

Okay. Biggest lie on the planet.

Nothing has been okay ever since Noor's death. Everywhere I look, I am reminded of things we did together and the life that we had together. A life that would not be the same anymore because she is not here anymore to hold my hand and tell me that everything will be okay. My life and house are now a painful reminder of what I had and what would never come back.

But you still have Yash.

Yash, my son. The only reason I have of waking up everyday now. My beautiful boy who is sometimes too hard to stare because of how much he resembles his mother. He is the only thing that has kept me sane ever since the plane crash and Noor's death.

I'm smart enough to know that Yash is now totally dependent on me and whatever I do will end up having a big effect on my son. I can't do anything that would eventually hurt my son. Not even by mistake. I have to make sure that he is always happy and healthy now.

So, I really need to get my head out of my ass and the first step in doing that would be approving the nanny that Piyush selects for me. I also need to get back in track with my work appointments and make sure that I don't end up losing everything that I worked so extremely hard for all my life.

I am angry that I have to hire a nanny. It feels like I'm not a good enough father for my son because I have to hire someone else to look for him now. While I've been able to handle Yash just fine on my own for the last 3 months, there is no way I can be a single parent alone with managing my workload.

I need someone to be with him when I am out of town for work and that person has to be someone I trust and can be sure of. So I would do my duty and make sure to hire a person for Yash who is not sensible but also responsible enough to look after him.

With that thought and the memories of my Noor filled in my head, I decide to go to a fitful sleep that is full of dreams about the happier times in my life.