Introvert

The fight.

Para mi tio el pendejo. To the tio that touched me. This is my trigger warning. I remember that night. Me acuerdo de esa noche. My uncle came into my room at 3 am. I was small. A baby still but old enough to remember. There was no rape, only touching. El espero a que todos estuviéramos durmiendo. He waited for everyone to be sleeping. El se quedo despierto por horas solo para poder tocarme. No voy a entrar en detalles sobre como me toco. There's no need for me to talk about how he touched me. It wasnt alot but the damage was done. He was a teenager and I was a child. Hardly four. No fue la única noche. It wasn't the only night. Nunca es solo una vez.

One day he brought another uncle. El cabrón trajo a otro tio mio una noche a que me hiciera lo mismo. Lo pensó. Se quedó mirándome. Mi Tío le dijo que lo hiciera. Que eso a mi me gustaba. He decided to do it. He touched me too. No era que me gustaba pendejo era que yo era una bebe y no sabia como reaccionar. Babies look at adults to understand how to react to feelings. I looked at my uncle and I saw that he was enjoying himself. Lo que yo sentía era vergüenza porque no entendía por qué me gustaba. I was a baby. Hardly four. Me usaron como un trapo. I was used like a rag doll y me acuerdo. I was used like a rag doll and I remember. Mi mente lo grabó todo.

We've talked about what happened and they both regret it. I was taking my boxing classes because of them. I was getting ready for the day I would talk to kick their asses for coming into my room to touch me. I carried the damages for 20 years. Yo tenía derecho a partirles la cara. It was my right to kick their asses for touching me and ruining me. It took me so long to finally start learning how to play with men because I thought my two uncles loved me. I couldn't accept that this was male nature. Yo no podía aceptar que me usaran para satisfacerse como lo hacen los puercos.

Ellos activaron algo en mi esas noches. Algo que no era de ellos. Something that was mine. Mine to explore with a boy my age later in life. Cuando tuviera la edad. When I was of age. Yo no quería creer que los hombres eran tan malos. But they are. Ya yo no corro a las manos de nadie. I wait. I have to wait. It's dangerous to not know how to play or understand the game. Tha ass kicking is coming. But first the healing. They both agree that they deserve it. None of them are hitting me back. I'm just training for now.

I'm still just working out, lifting weights and taking boxing classes. The boxing is for them but all of it is for me. Así es que puede nacer una pendeja. This is how a girl that lets herself be used can be made. My uncles made me una pendeja and they judged me for it.