Unpleasant Things

Part 7

The water was rushing through its path, destroying everything on its way. It hit the rocks by its side made loud noise as it did so. I climbed the bridge and walked to the centre, observing the river as I walked along.

The river bed couldn't be seen because it was deep. All I could see was dark waters. The location was perfect.

I just did everything my parents had asked me to. Take a degree. I did. Get my masters. I did. But I couldn't land a job.

I had already attended countless interviews. But I kept getting rejected for the simplest things. Even when I had corrected my mistakes and tried again, I couldn't impress them.

I think it might be because I don't really want it. Sure I want a job, but not particularly this one. I had no motivation. I was tired of convincing myself and others that I really wanted this job. I wasn't passionate about it and apparently I couldn't fake it either.

When all of my colleagues started getting jobs, they started sharing about their work lives, initially I smiled. Then I kept quiet. And finally I removed myself from the scene.

I was upset but not because of why others think I'd be.
What did I want to do? I have no idea. I never had a dream or passion. I was just indifferent about everything. That must probably be my biggest mistake.

I wasn't feeling anything to be honest. Maybe because I was thinking about this moment for a few months. It has probably made me, how do you say it... numb, I guess?

I have nothing left here. No job, no love, no passion, no wish to survive really. There was nothing I wanted to stay back for. Even my parents would be way better off without me.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not sad. I just... feel done with everything. Life was meh.

I had always wondered about the secrets the river must have held over the years. The heart breaks it must have witnessed, the good byes it must have seen. And now, I'll be another secret she hides forever.

I leaned forward on the railing, one leg perched on the steel bar near my knee.

"You aren't going to jump are you?"

The sudden question caught me off guard. I turned to my left and saw a man, probably in his forties, in an old black suit looking at me. His hair was swept back neatly and the wrinkles near his eyes made him appear quite handsome. He was handsome.

I remained silent. I didn't know what to say. Should I lie?

"Are you?" He asked again. When I failed to answer, he leaned against the railing himself, peering down at the water.

"Are you a visitor? I have never seen you around here," I asked him.
"Yes. I had a special event to attend to," he said, his eyes still checking the water.

"So you stopped by the river?" I asked. He nodded.

Well now I had to wait until he leaves for my next move. Hence, just like him, I stood idle watching the river.

The silence was getting boring and I was growing impatient. I didnt want to waste any more time. I wanted to end it all.

"What event is it?" I asked.
"A funeral," said the man.
"Was it of someone close to you?" I asked.
"Very," he replied.

I nodded. I know, I asked him a bit bluntly but I didnt care at the moment. I was past caring. But-
"I'm sorry for your loss," I said.
"People die. It's okay," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Isn't it? It's not a big deal, is it?" I asked.
He nodded, at first. Then he turned and looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed.
"Are you sure you weren't planning on jumping?"
I nodded profusely. He looked away.

"I was planning to jump," I said abruptly.