Unfazed.

Trust

***

How was I unable to answer such a simple question?

As hard as I tried to recall anything that happened, there was an everlasting fogginess clouding my every thought.

It was the weirdest thing, feeling like you're living some sort of alternate reality - everything felt like a really vivid nightmare. I had never experienced this extreme dissociation from my body, I could've sworn I was actually watching myself standing over my mother's body. How does that even happen? Was it really possible to experience reality from a third person perspective?

The sirens were getting closer by the minute and I had to power through the nausea and the trembling of my limbs to be able to stumble out through the back door.

I had some flashing thoughts about turning myself in but my mind and body just could not work in unison and, by the time I had the chance to react, I was already lounging away from the violent scene.

Even though numbness was all I could feel in my legs, that didn't stop me from striding as fast as my body would let me. Every step I took triggered vibrations from the soles of my shoes touching the warm concrete all the way up to my ears, fighting for protagonism against the loud buzzing.

I have no idea how I managed to actually make it to my car, much less rev the engine to life. All I can tell you is that, before I knew it, I had hit the road without so much as a glance back. I drove for what felt like hours, vacant eyes fixed on the road as if looking away would cause my imminent death. That was until a warning popped up on the dashboard behind the steering wheel.

I was almost out of gas.

In any other circumstance I would've just cursed it off and made my way over to the nearest gas station but this time around I was at a loss for words. It took every ounce of my strength for me to finally drive there, where I'd be forced to interact with an actual person.

I wasn't entirely sure whether or not I'd be capable of doing that but I guess it was inevitable. Either way I was about to find out.

When I got there I had to sit in the car for a good ten minutes, gathering up my thoughts.

I must've been at it for a while though, because dawn started breaking , projecting a reddish veil that cloaked the sky.

Snap out of it, Aries, I told myself.

The abrupt click of the door echoed in the air as the last of the remaining copper sunshine hit my cold hands, prompting another costumer to look my way.

I avoided her smouldering leer and kept busy by filling up the gas tank. To me it felt like everyone was out to get me - like nothing or no one was ever safe.

When I snapped out of my daze, the tank was already full and it was time for me to finally do what I had been dreading.

I lumbered up to the mechanical doors, hesitantly and internally panicking when they wouldn't open the first try. Were they locked from the inside? Had I been discovered?
They opened shortly after, making me feel like I was slowly going crazy. The sensor probably struggled to pick up the movement of my 5'3 self straight away. But none of that logical reasoning was ever enough for a paranoid mind.

It only just hit me when I came face to face with the cashier that I had no money to pay with - I left it behind with the rest of my stuff when I FLED A DAMN CRIME SCENE.

Oh my god, I'm totally a criminal.

Panic struck within me, prompting my dumb self to blurt out the first thing that came to mind, "Bathroom?"