Sun Hee is excited to become a trainee for BigHit and she vows to work hard to get the chance to become an Idol. But at 18, she is still unaware of the real cost of becoming an idol. One man has the power to both help her, and hinder her chances at...
I've made a terrible fool of myself making a pass at someone like Kim Taehyung. I mean he is famous. He's five years older, and he is my instructor. Those reasons alone should discourage any wild ideas I have about us being together. Let alone the major factor that I'm likely not pretty enough or sexy enough for someone like him. He's probably just being nice to me because I'm young and 'remind him of himself' as he said. Way to go Sun Hee, alienate the only person here who seemed to like you at all! I chastise myself.
It's easy to toss and turn all night thinking about what a fool I've been when the girls are still talking and gossiping above me. I try hard not to listen in on anything they're saying in case they're talking about me. I'm really glad none of them know who my mentor is and that I didn't trust any of them enough to mention it on the first day. I can't imagine what their jealousy would make them do to me if they knew.
I struggle the next morning to get ready and get to voice lessons. My teacher is actually very nice and she compliments my voice usually so that makes me feel like maybe there is a reason I'm here after all. And Taehyung complimented my dancing. He did say I was a natural. That's pretty amazing to be complimented by someone like him. A few weeks ago just knowing he liked my audition tape would have been enough to inspire me with a wealth of confidence. Maybe remembering that now can help me find the courage to face him in the studio today.
I know he wanted to kiss me back, he didn't pull away as though he was disgusted by me, he pulled away only after he had time to think about it, and he does make every excuse in class to touch me, pretending to straighten a limb or support me during a move. He has to be interested. A least a little bit. And now I'm interested, a lot. I have to find a way to show him he wants me. I have to find that courage I had the second day when I caught him looking me over and smiling. That memory had really helped get me through the long empty nights in the dorm.
I decide to get changed for dance and put something a bit different on. Leggings, but instead of my usual form fitting top, I put on something loose, that hangs off the shoulder, a crop top to show my stomach in certain moves. I bet if I can gauge his reaction to seeing me in this outfit, I'll know if there is a future for us.
I place my hand on the door to the studio as I wait for the security guard to unlock the keypad and I take a deep breath. You've got this Sunny. How could he resist you. I tell myself, bolstering my courage. The security guard looks down at me cocking an eyebrow suspiciously and I wonder if I've said that out loud. He turns and goes back to his desk at the end of the hall.
I push the door open and breeze into the studio. He is standing with his back to me, going through music options. He doesn't turn around. I walk up to the mirror and I see him glance up at me, note my outfit and then just look back down.
"Good afternoon Oppa, are you ready to start?" I ask very businesslike. He nods and turns toward me, trying to avoid eye contact.
"Let's start from the beginning," he says and I groan a little, feeling like I've practiced this far too often to be fresh and feel special. I sigh. "Don't complain Sunny, we are here for you remember," he says, being very distant.
It's difficult to handle working so closely with him when it's very obvious to me that he's trying to avoid looking at me or being too close. Did someone say something to him? I wonder as he refuses to meet my eyes. Did I do something to upset him? I feel a little ashamed if I was too forward the previous day, but I was feeling something between us that I know was real. But now, all those doubts I have in the middle of the night, come flooding back as I work through a tense and awkward session, unable to connect to him emotionally.
When our time is done, he gathers his things and I know he might just walk out the door saying nothing more to me. I have to say something. I walk up behind him cautiously.
"Oppa?" I ask nervously. He senses my hesitancy to approach him and he spins around to face me. "Have I done something to displease you?" I ask with worry in my eyes. He looks back at me for a long moment, saying nothing, and then, his eyes soften.
"No, you could never displease me Sunny," he says warmly. "I'm sorry if I have made you uncomfortable today. I'm not very good at sharing my feelings, but I don't want to confuse you or worry you," he says looking down.
"But you don't want to kiss me again?" I say, almost as a non-question. He looks up at me, again, looking me over, waiting an excruciating amount of time before speaking.
"I shouldn't kiss you again," he says, almost robotic in his delivery. Something in that makes me question how true it is. I step up close to his body and he doesn't move away, he stares down at me.
"Not now? Or not-ever?" I ask point blank, staring deep into his soulful eyes trying to read them before his lips betray his feelings.
"Not- " he pauses, "not right now," he says.
Victory! I shout in my head. He couldn't say 'not ever', he said 'not right now'. The words fuel my desire and fill me with joy.
"I can wait," I say smiling and I turn and walk out of the studio, leaving him standing there deep in thought.
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