Secrets We Keep

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Monitors beeped all around the room.

The slow beep was comforting, assuring me Mom was still breathing. Still with us.

Kylie sat across the room nervously scribbling on a sketchbook, and Mac was asleep on the window bench beside me. Dad was also sleeping in a chair next to Moms bed.

After her diagnosis things changed, drastically. But why wouldn't they. Cancer changes everything.

Kylie stopped drawing and looked at me with shaky eyes. She took a glance at Mom, then met my gaze. "She's not getting better, is she Car."

I took a stuttering breath and nodded. I was 19, Kylie was 16, and Mac was 14. ("And a half" he would add").

I nodded again, looking at our mother. "No." I whispered, my voice so soft and shaky I barely heard myself speak that one word. A tear slipped down my cheek but i quickly brushed it away. "She's not Ky."

Mom did look peaceful tho, as she slept. Her hot pink beanie was made by me and Kylie, after Mom lost her hair. There where dark circles around Moms eyes and her skin was pale and lurid. Still, a small trace of a mile was on her whiteish lips, as if the dream was a good one.

Kylie sighed and went back to drawing, shaking so much i thought she would stop and rest. I wished she would be calm, because then it would be easier for me to be calm.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and i pulled it out, needing a distraction from the small hospital room and what it meant.

Juniper
Are you okay over there? Need me to bring anything?

I smiled at the text. Juniper was my dad's favorite help around the base, shes young but older then me by five years, and shes the sister i never had.

We're all good here, Mom's asleep. I responded, and Mac shifted next to me. Juniper responded with a thumbs up and i set my phone back down on the small table to the side of me. I glanced down at my little brother and smiled, Mac had started to snore beside me.

My Dad also grumbled in his sleep about a mew batch of boys at the base and shifted as well. Kylie was still sketching, and I was just waiting. Waiting for what I didn't know, but i was waiting.

I watched my mom. Mentally having a conversation with her. Telling her what i needed to tell her. Her lips twitched and the smile flickered. Her dream was a good one, whatever it was. I loved my moms smile.

I took a deep breath, and stared at the floor for a while before i heard my Dad get up out of his chair. "Its time to go Cari."

"Already?" I asked, my voice not used to being used after the day

My father nodded and i stood, taking my phone and jacket from off the side table.

I looked over at Kylie who had packed up her art things, and my Dad knelt down to wake Mac.
"Mac its time to go home buddy."

Mac groaned sleepily and I stood, walking to the door. But i stopped at the end of Moms bed. I out a hand on her blanket and whispered, a small smile on my face. "I love you Momma."

Kylie walked over and kissed Moms temple and Dad did the same, but he lingered longer. Mac watched us say goodbye with his hands stuffed in his pockets. I stepped back, putting an arm around his shoulders and walking out with my younger brother right behind my father and Kylie.

I stopped at the door, looking back at my mom one more time before closing the door and walking out to the hospital parking lot.

Kylie and Mac got in with my Dad, whereas i said goodbye and went to my own car. I sat in the black Jeep, which was actually my Moms, and watched my Dad in his Ford pull out and onto the road.

I took a deep breath, putting my hands on my head. Mom wasn't getting better and my chest tightened when I admitted this to myself.

Little did i know how bad things would get for me after she was gone.

I sighed and started to car, but something happened. I was in my car, then the next at home. I blinked and i was home, i blinked and i was in my car. A throb of heat was building behind him eyes.

I closed my eyes again and was in my dark blue room. I walked over to my dresser cautiously and picked up a silver necklace Kylie had gotten me  a few years ago. I blinked again and my room was gone, i was in my car again. My head hurt from the pounding of my heart in my ears. I looked at my hand.

I was holding a silver necklace tightly in my fist.