Jimmy and the straight blade of the guillotine

They see me rollin

The man on the chopping block screams through his rag and the blade of the guillotine catches the light as it sings down to his neck, and with a sattisfying chop his head rolls to my feet, blood dribbling onto the already blood-stained wood of my roof as his body slumps to the roof. With a smile, I grab his head by the hair and yeet it out onto the street. It makes a satisfying noise that is a cross between a splat and a crunch. 

Hi. I'm Jimmy, your not-so average ritch gay. You're probably wondering, how did I get here. I'll tell you, but be warned, this is a very odd story, and you may not believe me when I tell it to you, but just know, It is all real...

September 4th, 20xx 

I wake up to the sounds of my latest victm in my basement screaming. I sigh, dissappointed that I have to wait until later to kill her. Okay, okay, she might not be a homophobe, she is gay, but she's a totally racist Karen and I see her every day when I go to the coffee shop being totally rude to the guy who works there in the mornings, how could I not get rid of her. I already have her wife targeted, honestly, two Karens? Married?? How was there no objections at the wedding? Anyways, I can't kill her yet because then I'd be late to school and then I wouldn't have an aliby, cringe.

I get up and get ready for school witch doesn't take me long, but when I get into my car I pause just before putting the key into the ignition, suddenly nervous. What an odd feeling, nervousness. Honestly, for me it's just an annoying reminder that I'm a human being, and I usually try to brush it away, but this time I linger on it because this time it's not a rediculous feeling, it's... Jason. Jason is the guy who works at the coffee shop that the woman in my basement kept on bothering. He's what most people think of as normal, but that's just why I like him, he's a great person who blends in really well with the average croud. My best friend, Laila, says she doesn't understand why I like him so much, in her words, "he's just... I don't know, Jason". Laila was literally the defenition of a straight girl; she had won the world record of the straightest person alive. According to her, Jason was too plain to date, but I didn't really see it. Honestly the "handsome" or "good looking" guys were never that interesting to me, it was really the personalities, but Laila also says that "Jason has a boring personality" I also don't understand that part.

I stabbed the key into the egnition, frustrated about these supid human feelings that I didn't want. As I drove to school, I saw so many people on the side of the street, just being, as if the world wasn't full of flaws that they felt obligated to fix or that half the people around them were discriminated against or that all the people around them would one day die or- I took a deep breath, telling myself that most people didn't think their purpose in life is to set the world right. 

When I get to school, I look around but I don't see Jason. Disappointed, I walk over to Laila.

"Hey, how is your life goal progress going?" I ask.

"I'm just looking at some insta accounts to see if I missed out on any gossip this summer" she says as she sips on whatever starbucks poison she got for today.

"We both now that you didn't miss any, hon. All you do all day is be on that phone." I tell her.

"And make out and have sex with Jake. Oh, btw he's gonna join us durring lunch today, sound good? K. Try not to swoon over his gorgeous face the whole time, tbh I think it made him really uncumfortable."

"Laila. I would never. I have Jasons gorgeous face to swoon over now." I said.

"Bish you wish. I will never understand why you like him. He's so... plain. Oop- speaking of witch, there's your mans! Here, since you're so shy I'll call him over for you. Concider this a thank you beforehand for not being weird at lunch today." before I could protest, she had called him over and he was headed our way.