Love is defined as an "intense feeling of deep affection." Despite the three words that have come out of my mouth, I am not too sure if I have ever had such an intense feeling. Of course, I love my family and friends dearly, but what do I do to show it besides saying it carelessly or uncomfortably. However, not only is family and friend type of love my issue; I have never truly been in love with someone else before. I mean I thought I have but I have come to the conclusion it was just the idea of that person— the idea that I can have a love flourish from a childhood friendship that would be everlasting despite this person being the exact opposite of what I want in a boyfriend. However, I could not help but look past that because my idea of him was too comforting or almost "loving." Then, there was my first boyfriend, who I came so close to falling for, but then my idea of him was struck by his own mistakes and reality seeped in. I realized from that point on I could never love him or begin to feel that almost "intense" feeling again. Even after we broke up and he came back into my life with the classic I miss you text, I knew I would never love him even though I almost wanted to at the time. I always thought he was in love with me though and I still do, whatever love may mean to him or me. None of these somewhat experiences with love compare to the time my brother was alive. I love my brother beyond words can express, but, for some reason, it was so hard to express to him. Once I found out he tried to harm himself, that's when I stopped letting my discomfort get in the way of telling my brother I love him in the simplest context when I would see him at dinner or somewhere and hug him goodbye. I forced myself to say it, even though I meant it, I was still uncomfortable. I know what you are thinking right now— what is wrong with this girl? Trust me I get it. But maybe you're not thinking that. I mean ask yourself, do you really know what love is or do you just think you do or maybe you haven't even thought about it at all? Well, if you ever figure it out, let me know. My point overall being, love is never comfortable; anything in life that is comfortable doesn't make you grow. But love should make you grow, not from an intense feeling of deep affection, but from an intense feeling of deep discomfort.
