Broken Like Me

Chapter Fifteen: Mistakes

Kageyama couldn't stop pacing around his bedroom, his body was filled with anxious energy fighting to get out. As soon as Dr. Sugawara had finished chewing him out for his actions, Kageyama had flung himself into his room slamming the door behind him despite the rules.

He didn't even remember what Dr. Sugawara had said with regards to punishment. His brain was overloaded with his emotions, he could feel nothing but the throbbing pain in his heart.

He had such a strong desire to destroy everything around him, crumble it all to dust, and so he did. He started with his bed grabbing the comforter, sheets and pillows and flinging them across the room, where they hit the wall with an unsatisfying thump. It was far from enough, he needed more. His body became a toronado of destruction, flinging, overturning, ruining everything in his path, with no distinction between what belonged to him and what was Hinata's. He knew he should probably be more careful as he ripped the paper that was in his hand, but he couldn't get himself to care.

He was panting hard, his body raging with exertion, his fingers aching, his wrists stinging in agony begging him to stop.

He suddenly became aware of Hinata's presence in the room. Hinata was trying to calm him down. He was trying to snap Kageyama out of his blind rage with waving arms, calling out his name over and over again. Kageyama's eyes caught the light reflecting from Hinata's hair and he was temporarily distracted like a crow spotting something enticingly shiny.

Hinata was grabbing onto him, mouthing something to him, probably asking him to stop, but Kageyama was too far gone, even Hinata's presence couldn't stop him.

Hinata tried to gently loosen Kageyama's grasp on the poster he had half torn to shreds. Then Kageyama's rage returned reminding him that Hinata was just another illusion of hope he had given himself.

He elbowed Hinata in the stomach, the smaller boy arched away with a hiss of pain, an angry scowl dawning on his face. Hinata was nothing if not persistent, he wasn't going to let a little pain stop him. Before he knew it Hinata had jumped onto his back, trying to stop his path of destruction by steering him from above.

Kageyama was not fully present within his body, or maybe that's just what he told himself later. He simply processed that he was under attack and his body overreacted in defense, it only took a split second before he was hit with reality.

Time sped up and his body suddenly felt very real, as he realized that he had flung Hinata onto the floor. He had Hinata pinned down with his arms to stop his flailing hands, and used his knees to hold down Hinata's legs so that he wouldn't kick him in retaliation.

Kageyama heard a soft whimper beneath him and a soft voice mumble out "please..no...no." The voice was so timid and weak that Kageyama was flooded with the enormity of what he had done. Hinata lay on the floor lifeless, stricken with fear, his whole body had begun to tremble in Kageyama's grasp.

Kageyama instantly released Hinata and backed away dropping onto his knees in shock. His sense of control was regained way too late, the damage had been done, and the jury within Hinata's fearful eyes found him guilty.

His once warm, playful eyes, that never hesitated to find their way to Kageyama to share a teasing, sly look, were now unsettlingly huge incapable of containing his sea of terror.

Hinata was always so strong, a triumphant presence that rose and jumped again against all odds. Yet, the Hinata before him did not move, did not jump up with a glimmering smile, laughing off his injury, with rosy cheeks warming his face.

Helplessness, his face was filled with ashamed helplessness. His usually flushed face was ghostly pale. His usual melodic voice was replaced by the haunting noise of him gasping for air, still bound in the same position with the invisible ropes of his trauma.