mine {h.s.} | {b3}

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

— CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE —

january, year two.

"You have to promise me that you won't overreact," Ruth looks at me skeptically. Her lower lip is caught between her teeth, her eyes watching over me with hesitation written clearly across her face. There's something fluttering there. We're in the hospital, sitting in the corner of the cafeteria trying to make the most of our lunch break before we have to return to our respective surgeries.

"I—"

"Actually," she interjects, seeming to think better of it. "You can't react at all."

"Jesus. What did you break?" I groan, dropping my head into my hands and disregarding the sandwich that I'd packed for myself this morning. Her general attitude right now leads me to believe that she's done something wrong. Or, maybe she's just covering up for the person who did. "Or Zana. What's broken, and how much is it going to be to fix it?"

"What?" She recoils slightly, her lips pouting as she looks at me. "Nothing's broken. Why would you ask that? Did my daughter break something? She knows to be careful with the stuff—"

"Nothing's broken that I know of. I just thought you were going to tell me that something was broken. You don't look overly enthused in this moment," I tell her, picking up the sandwich once more. My appetite is mostly gone, but I don't know when I'll have an opportunity to eat again during this shift. It's always important to make the most of resting and eating time during a long shift at a hospital. Both can very quickly become a hot commodity.

Ruth nods her head, seeming to be somewhat satisfied. She shoves her salad around with a fork. "Well, you know on Halloween how Fitzy and I kind of...," she trails off, looking at me helplessly with her big brown eyes. It's vaguely humorous knowing that cut and clinical Ruth can't make herself utter the words.

If I was any crueler than I am, I would toy with her in this moment. Instead, I supply her, "You had sex. Yes, I remember."

"Yes!" Ruth agrees enthusiastically, nodding her head dramatically. Suddenly somewhat inspired, she drops her fork into the salad and knots her fingers together, practically forcing herself to gather the courage that she needs to follow through with her next statement. Releasing a long breath, she drops the tension in her shoulders. "We've kind of picked up a friends with benefits sort of arrangement now."

I don't answer immediately.

Instead, I stare at her. I stare at her and wait for something to tell me that she is kidding. Or that she is lying. Or that she is just trying to pull some sort of prank on me. Though this isn't exactly Ruth's form of humor, I don't want to buy in too soon. Unlike Fitzy, Ruth can be very closed off with her emotions. "Friends with benefits," I repeat slowly, thinking of every moment that Fitzy has ever dared to tell me about how he feels about her on his own terms and thinking about how he never once mentioned to me that anything had happened beyond that first, Halloween night.

She nods hesitantly, somewhat nervous now that she has spoken the words into existence. "It's just something non-committal. Something low-key that will help us both relieve some stress—"

"Relieve stress," I parrot, nodding my head as I speak.

The look she gives me is strange, but she continues, "Yes. We had a good time on Halloween and are both single so we figured why not."

"Why not?"

"Stop repeating everything I say!" She bursts, her hands clasping tightly together. "I'm already shitting myself enough at the moment as is. I don't need the side commentary. It started off harmless because we were both looking for fun, but very quickly I realized that I can't have fun with that man. Not when I feel this way about him."