The Book Of Jokes

Joke 8

"If Walmart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store free yet?""The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything goes wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.""I have all the money I'll ever need—if I die by 3:00 p.m. this afternoon.""A TV can insult your intelligence. But nothing rubs it in like a computer."When tempted to fight fire with fire, always remember... The fire department usually uses water.""You are such a good friend that, if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket, I'd miss you so much and talk about you fondly to everybody who asked.""The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder."Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.""It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.""Feeling pretty proud of myself. The puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.""Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.""My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me."Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink."I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.""When I lose the TV controller, it's always hidden in some remote destination.""Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.""My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.""My math teacher called me average. How mean!"