Teach Me [COMPLETED✔]

22

Aspen

There was no light, not a speck of sunlight that passed through the thick curtains. Shifting, I winced at the pain between my legs. The soreness of last night or this morning, I couldn't quite make out how long ago we stopped. I only knew that Chris had let me rest when my moans were half rasped out.

God

I could feel the roughness of my throat, the heaviness my tongue felt. Tired, I was tired.

Vivid images filtered my mind, the way his hands had held me. Hips pushing me deep into the mattress over and over, lips closing around my skin but never my lips.

There was no kissed in fucking, that's what I realized. Then again there had been zero kisses between Chris and I since that drunken night. God I could still feel the burning of his lips, yearning for them. I had wanted this but I also wanted more, especially now. Chips of my heart were falling, yet I still held onto most of it. Convincing myself that I was still in control, that my heart was still mine.

Opening my eyes, I tried to make the outline of my surroundings. My hand moving across the space, trying to make out Chris's body. To touch it again, to have him close to me again. Yet my brows furrowed as I felt nothing but sheets, not a body near me. If it weren't for the pain between my legs, I could have wagered it was all a dream, a nice pleasant dream.

Sitting up right, I grasped the sheets that covered my body. It was instinct to do that, to cover myself even knowing that Chris had seen every part.

Turning, I reached for the lamp that I knew rested on the bed side table. My fingers flickering it on, squinting at the sudden brightness it brought to Chris's room.

Looking around, I leaned over to see if Chris was in the bathroom or closet, disappointment flickering as he was nowhere in sight. Still I called out for him, "Chris?"

Dead silence. Not even the running of water or light footstep. Hurt replaced that disappointment, my hands gripping the sheets tighter. There was no use fighting my own mind, knowing well that Chris had left. But I could fight those disturbing thoughts that crossed my mind. Did he regret last night?

It couldn't be, one time isn't enough. He had whispered roughly, his hips moving against mine. One time wasn't enough but why wasn't he here? I wanted him here, I needed him here. My heart ached not knowing where he was, or with who.

He couldn't have regretted last night, right? But why wasn't he here, next to me? Had I done something wrong? Was that normal? To leave?

I knew what we had was not normal, that this was far from affection. But deep down I had thought that it would have changed, that I could have him because lying would be a sin. I wanted Chris, all of him.

It was a sin to want him, to crave him. A sin because he was married to my mother, because he was old, because he... all those thoughts surrounded my head as I rose from the bed. The sheets flowed around me as I walked to my room, pushing the doors open until I reached my shower. The warm water cascading over me, relevaning some aching. Face twisting at the specks of blood that ran down my legs, the dried up blood.

Each raise was hell, my legs stiff and sore. Every movement was slow, my hands loose on my side as I just stood under the water. Washing away what I hoped wasn't a regretful night.

Drying as best as I could, I slipped on sweats and a tank top. My bare shoulders shivering as I stepped out into the cold kitchen. The very empty kitchen, the knot in my stomach sinking. Tears threatening to spill, where was he?

Had I done wrong? Had I been so infused in greed and lust that I failed to think with my head. That I had let my heart lead me, to plummet me into the spiraling, chaotic thinking of whether I was... my thoughts were interpreted by the opening and closing of the front door.