Isobel Hermann

Chapter 1

Carefully, I drew my scissors along the inside skin of my wrist. Creating a narrow incision. I cried softly, not at the physical pain. I could handle that but instead the emotional pain that people seemed to cause me. Less than five minutes ago I felt as though I was drowning in pain and I knew that I had to release it before it became too much to handle. 

Subconsciously I knew what I was doing was called self-harm, and knew I should stop but I didn't know how. School always told us to talk to family, or friends, but that was laughable. I mean who would walk up to someone and announce that they self-harm? And even if I did want to talk to someone, who would I talk to? My family — they were always too busy working and I didn't want to worry them anyway. My friends — they had all deserted me when Alexander had started picking on me, threatening anyone who talked to me. 

I tuck my scissors under my pillow and wipe my eyes, creating the illusion of a perfect, happy child, as I heard my father clime the stairs. I can tell by the way he's walking, he's going to have to cancel our evening together, again. It doesn't take long and soon he is knocking on my bedroom door, asking if he can talk to me, I pick up a book and invite him in, and he enters, perching on the edge of my bed. "Hey Isobel, I'm going to have to cancel our night, tonight. I'm working." He tells me the news I've known was coming but it still crushes me, as though somewhere, I hoped I was mistaken. I never am. 

"That's fine, go save some lives Dad." I tell him, trying to sound as though it really is fine, that I wasn't self-harming. It must have worked because he stands, and walks to my door before looking over his shoulder at me, "Your mother has asked me to bring you kids to work, so grab your stuff and meet us downstairs in ten minutes." 

As soon as he left, and I heard his footsteps on the stairs, descending, fleeing, going away from me, I grabbed my scissors and drew a second line, parallel to the first. I clamber off my bed and grab my school bag, which I check has all my homework and a few reading books, before adding a spare change of clothes and some pyjamas for myself. I zip up my bag and walk downstairs, where I put on my trainers and shoulder my bag — ready to leave for the firehouse.

I stood in the hallway for as I waited for the others to get ready. 

10 minutes later, Dad arrived, Annabelle in tow, they looked as if they had been up to something. "Have you got everything you need Isobel?" He asked

"Yeah, I think so."

"Good," The others had arrived by now, "Are you ready?" 

"Yeah." The others chorused. I just nodded. Dad lead us out towards the car, where we piled into the back. 

..............................

When we arrived at the firehouse, we all headed inside into the common room, leaving Dad to go up to the locker room and put on his uniform. I shifted my bag awkwardly, as Annabelle ran over to give Dawson a hug and my brothers went to badger Mouch. I wandered over to the seat I usually sat  in when I was forced to visit, and piled up the homework I had brought to keep me busy for a few hours. Lee glanced over at me, "I still don't understand why you didn't drop any subjects." My family had wanted me to drop some subjects, saying it would be too much work for me to handle but I refused, homework was my coping mechanism. 

I shrugged at him and removed the lid from my pen, ready to begin the maths sheets I had been set the day before. Dad entered just as I was reading the first question, and decided the need to ask what I was up to, "Homework." I said shortly, settling into the calming rhythm I was so used to. I always had been academic but it had passed through, unnoticed by everyone around me until midway through year seven when I had to select the subjects I would take until my GCSEs and I chose everything.

 The teachers had spent the first term of the year trying to excite us about their subjects and it seemed to have worked, at least until they sent us home with subject selection lists. We had been set only one piece of homework that week, which excited my classmates, to select our subject choices. They had given us plenty of time and so I delayed the inevitable — asking advice from my parents — by researching the curriculum. If anything that made me want to drop subjects even less and so, when my parents brushed off my questions and left me to decide alone, I chose everything. I didn't have any free periods or time to do homework at school and instead was forced to do it at home or in the firehouse. 

A few hours later, at seven o'clock, it was dinner time at the firehouse. I carefully slid all my finished homework into my bag and zipped it up before standing to assist Borelli with dinner. Between the two of us, it only took a few minutes to completely ready the table for dinner and soon we were all eating. 

After dinner I spent the rest of the night reading through the many books I had decided to bring along with me. The firemen were out of the house more than they were in it but that didn't really bother me but after Lee and Luke told me that I was an idiot for taking all the subjects I take no that it was a good reason for the other kids to bully me I escaped to the bathroom, where I released in the only way I knew how — by cutting.