Baby Felix

happy song

Notes: If you are a little and in your headspace, please do not read this story as I do not want to disturb you or make you sad in your safe place
for everyone else: thank you for reading and I hope you enoy :)

Alone. That's what he felt. A pitiful cry left his throat, he just wanted attention. Attention he seemed to never get. Attention he craved.

Secretly he takes out a pacifier and puts it into his mouth, he couldn't order one for adults he had to use the kids one. He can't risk that someone notices. He can't let himself fully fall, there are people in this apartment who neither know nor support little space. People he wouldn't dare to tell about him being little.

So he puts his pacifier in his mouth, pulls out a color in book and begins to fill in the empty spaces with color. He's constantly on edge, turning his head a few times too often towards his door, just in case. He can't lock his door, the key long lost.

Little space is supposed to help him coping with all the stress he feels, it is supposed to help him calm down and let him forget about this evil world full of meanies. And it does,,, partly. Because of his fear of getting caught and the possible consequences, he's never been able to just let go and let the warmth and the comfort of his baby space rolling over him.

So he opens his laptop, alone. He opens Netflix and puts on the smurfs, alone. He giggles at the intro, alone. He's watching Clumsy running the wrong way, alone. He watches the smurfs falling into the human world, alone. He watches Grace, Patrick and the smurfs becoming friends, alone. He watches them fighting Gargamel, alone. He watches the whole movie, alone. All by himself.

And no matter how much he likes this movie, he'll always be alone watching it. He always will feel this tugging feeling of loneliness in his stomach while watching it.

Where will he find his Papa Smurf who turns him into a real smurf like he did with Smurfette? Where will he be able to feel at home like Papa makes all his smurfs feel? When will he find someone who cares about him so much that they jump into unknown risks for him like the smurfs did for Clumsy? When will he sing his happy song?

As the movie finishes and the ending credits roll over the screen it's only then that he realizes that he hasn't checked if his door has opened even once. He got too invested into this movie.

Scared he turns around, fearful anticipating the image of one of his friends looking at him in disgust. To his luck, he couldn't make out a person in his room, only his plushies offering him company. He gets up slowly, still a bit wobbly on his feet because of his head space. He might have mostly deregressed but he still feels the effects lingering on his body.

He doesn't expect anything to be out of order, well, hopes he won't find anything out of order. And at first it doesn't seem like it either. Just as he wants to sigh in relief as he sees it.

His color in book lies next to the door, the page of his most recent drawing opened. He is very sure he closed it before he started the movie. He knows it. Or,,, maybe,,, he remembers wrongly? He begs to no one in particular that this would be the case. He simply can't have anyone knowing. He can't. Under no circumstances, ever.

So he closes the color in book, hides it in a box, puts his paci in it as well and closes it with a sad sigh. He puts the box into the closet, closing its door with a last, sad gaze. And just like that, he forces little Felix back into the safety of a closed door, strips this identity off him and forces himself out of his head space.

It's nearly dinner time, he realizes with a sad smile. He loves his friends but it is draining to spend time with people who aren't aware of his age regression right after he's been little and still slightly wavering. However, he has no choice. It's dinner time.