Love and Pixie Dust- A Bay Yanlış Reimagining.

When Pixie Lost Her Shoe

  

“It’s just one pink line,” I gasped in relief. Deniz and Cansu released gusty sighs of relief right along with me. 

“Whoa! That was heavy. I think I need several glasses of wine. No, several bottles. A whole vineyard!” I laughed shakily and swiped the nervous sweat off my forehead. I’d called my girls as I waited for the results for moral support. 

“We will come to drink with you,” Deniz said and I did a little happy dance.

"Okay, crisis averted! Time to celebrate!"

I picked up the pregnancy test like it was a nuclear warhead, intent on wrapping it in wads of toilet paper so my mother wouldn’t discover it.

I glanced down at the pee stick of doom in my hand and blinked. 

“Wait, what?” I whispered in horror.

“Nooooooo! It was one line! Give me back my line!” 

I heard Cansu and Deniz exclaiming in the background. I picked up my phone. 

“There are two lines now but one is really faint. That means it’s faulty, right? Like, I should do it again?”

I'd bought several different tests so I drank enough water to float a barge and did it again. After the fourth test came back positive, it was apparent that I had been impregnated with Bigfoot’s spawn.

“You're definitely pregnant!” Cansu gasped in disbelief when I called them back. “With a baby!”

“No, with a sloth,” I whisper hissed.  “Of course it’s a baby! Oh my god, what am I going to do? This is a catastrophe!” I slid down the wall and plopped onto the floor.

“Wait! The father isn’t Soner.” Deniz stated from where I’d left the phone on the counter above me. They knew the Dirtbag and I had not had sex in weeks before I discovered his perfidy. All of the Dirtbag’s extended business trips had been code for “I’m screwing my secretary.” God, how cliche!

I hadn’t reminded them of that little fact when I first called. It was natural for them to automatically assume the father was the man I’d been with for three years and not the one I’d known for like three minutes. 

"Who's the father, then?” Cansu asked and then the obvious must have occurred to her. At the same instant, Deniz arrived at the obvious choice.

“Don't tell me…" Deniz was visibly cringing.

“It’s The Giver!” Cansu shrieked.

I wailed in despair.

“Ezgi! I thought you were safe! Weren’t you on birth control?” Deniz asked me.

“We were safe but I haven't been on birth control. I didn’t see any need since I didn’t expect to be in the vicinity of any penises. Much less magical ones. Plus he used condoms. How could this have happened?” I buried my face in my hands.

“He used them all the time?”

“Yes?” I said but it sounded like a question. Had we? I thought so. He had been very diligent about it but there was that one time against the wall… I was racking my brain but couldn't remember anything except being trapped inside his shirt, his feverish kisses, his big hands, his... Stop that! Stupid horny brain.

“Either way, condoms aren't one hundred percent effective,” Cansu interrupted my x-rated musings.

“What? What do you mean?” I stood up and grabbed the phone.

“I mean they have like a 98% success rate,” she said.

“Why didn't anyone tell me that?!” I screamed into the phone.