I Always Will

Let All Be Well

Rowan

The closer I get to Riley's room, the more anxious to see him I become.

I realize I'm bouncing on my toes in the elevator when Bodie chuckles at me. "You are the only person I've ever seen that seems excited to change bed pans."

"I'm not excited. I'm impatient," I say, hoisting the bags at my elbow and crossing my arms. "It's been hours."

"He' been in good hands," Bodie assures me. "The best hands."

I sigh. He's probably right. Riley and Marley are more than colleagues. They are really good friends. Riley really respects Marley, because she's so smart and capable, and she's great at her job. Sometimes I am jealous of her. I don't feel like Riley respects my abilities.

Not that there is that much to respect as an actress. I mean, I'm decent at my job because of the role I play. I know what it is to be a musician. I bring authenticity to the role. But I'm not sure I would be as good in another role. I'm not sure I would want to be.

I'm not sure Riley ever really respected me in the way he respects Marley's...competence, but there was a time at least when Riley believed in me. When I fronted a real band. He used to tell me all the time Strut was going to make it—really make it. Put girl bands back on the map. We almost did. We won a Grammy. We were on our way.

I squeeze my right hand. Squeeze it hard.

The elevator doors open and Marley is sitting in the waiting room. She rises at once.

"Why are you out here? Is he okay?"

"He's okay. There is a nurse with him."

I take two steps toward his door. Marley blocks me. "Maybe give him some privacy? They are taking his catheter out and...stuff."

I give her an irritated look. "What if there are...instructions or something?"

"Then I'm sure he'll let you know if he needs any help," she says with a smile. "Self-sufficiency is really important to patients facing disabilities."

That pisses me off, what she says. "He's not going to be disabled, Marley. He's going to recover."

"Yes, I think so. I hope so," she agrees. "But he's facing weeks, maybe months working toward that and battling limitations. So let him do all he can for himself, okay? That probably means letting him deal with his caregivers without intervention."

My irritation softens a little. She doesn't get it. She doesn't understand that I want to be the one do that stuff for him. I open my mouth to tell her, but shut it again. It doesn't matter. Riley and I need to work that out, not me and Marley.

"How did the family meeting go?" she asks.

I shrug. "They said what they needed to say. I heard it, and some of it's not wrong, but this is between me and Riley. I know we are divorced but we were married. For a long time. In the face of something like Riley's injury, a four year old marriage outweighs a six day old divorce to me. If I want to be there for him and he wants me to be there for him, it's really no one else's business."

She nods thoughtfully, "Okay, as long as you know that everyone has your back, and...that you shouldn't take any shit off him."

I sigh. "He's hurt. He's in pain."

"And he just spent three hours with me without demeaning me or calling me any names or bossing me around. If he can treat me with respect he can certainly treat you that way."

"All that angry name-calling stuff is over. He's not going to do that anymore." I say. "We already talked about that yesterday. And if he does? Well, he can watch my ass leave him where he sits."