lost in the lime light

im already gone.

words: 2317

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I don't know what I've done to deserve all of this. All of this pain. I'm constantly feeling as if my body is ripping itself apart.

Yet somehow, everyday, it seems to mend itself. An endless cycle of destruction and repair. It never ends.

I don't know why the universe hates me. It's almost as if I've done everything in the world to tell it to buzz off. Which I have, but that's beside the point.

The only good thing left for me is her.

Lilith. Her name sounds demonic, and sometimes she acts like it, yet that's not who she really is. Those who know her well know that she's sweet as a lily and just as beautiful.

She lights up the room when she walks in. Even if it's a bleary hospital room that I've been stuck in for the past 8 days.

"Morning, gorgeous." She chirps, handing me a cup of water from the downstairs coffee shop. I groan in response and take a sip, my chapped lips cracking slightly.

"It's too early for you to be this happy." I mutter, squeezing my eyes shut as she throws the curtains open, the bright waves of sunlight seeping in.

"It's ten after noon, Sawyer." She chuckles, her voice echoing off the sterile, white walls. Grunting in response, I take another sip of my water, giving her a simple nod of thanks before reaching to set it on the table in my lap.

"Your aunt called." Her face holds an unreadable expression, yet I can see in her eyes that she's concerned.

"Which one, the old hag or Marie?" I smile slightly, my thoughts beginning to wander upon what she could want.

Lilith gasps and feigns shock at my description of my other aunt, yet I know she's simply playing up her distaste.

"Marie." She finally answers, looking everywhere but at me. My expression softens when I realize.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The silence is stiffening, and we seem to be drowning in it.

"She's..." Lilith trails off, clearly uncomfortable with sharing this information indirectly. "She's worried about your things. Your house. Y'know."

I press my lips together slightly and give her a bit of a sad smile.

"I know." Thinking about what the right thing to say is, I finally decide upon, "Will you help her?"

Lilith looks confused for a moment, and I realize that my intentions aren't exactly clear.

"Gather my things, I mean. She shouldn't do it all alone. Plus, there's stuff that I'm leaving to you."

She winces, blatantly saddened by the direction of this conversation. Tears well in her eyes, and she does that thing she always does.

State at the ceiling and hope that they go away. I give her time, because I know. She needs it.

"I'll help her." Finally responding, her voice slightly tight from the emotion remaining behind her eyes.

Whispering out a small thank you, I reach out, my fingertips finding the cup again. Silently, I choose not to bring up my wishes for the future, simply because I know she cannot handle it right now.

Lilith has been my best friend since college. We met through a mutual friend and have been practically inseparable since. There was a time, during a serious lapse of judgement on both of our parts, where we went out.