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CHAPTER 21: Too Attached

Y/n's pov

After practice, I didn't really get any time to talk to Hajime about what his plan was. I still wasn't even sure where I was going to stay for now. Surely not with my mom and Aisha, even though she asked me to come back home soon, I didn't want to. 

For me to leave everyone behind now, to leave behind what I've achieved... It would break me. I couldn't face Daichi today, or Asahi, Tsukishima and Suga. They didn't do anything wrong, of course, I just know that I'll cry when I look at them. I don't want to leave them, and I don't want to cry in front of them right now. If I cry, they'd know something is wrong. They'd all ask me and I don't know if I can keep it from them when they do. I'm so bad at telling them a simple 'I'm fine' to their faces and lie, when I'm not.

I know I'm not fine. And I admit it- to myself. 

I'm scared. I'm anxious. I'm everything but fine. I'm longing for my friends, but I'm isolating myself. I've realized that I've become too attached to them and if this is what I have to do to not miss them as much when my family drags me away with them, then I'll do it. This is for their own good too. I'm making myself scarce so that they eventually forget me. so that I can become a ghost. Nobody misses a ghost.

"Y/n!" 

I turned around to see a powder headed boy running up to me and embracing me in a tight hug. He looked really worried when he ran up to me, also a little relieved. Wait- what time is it?

"Y/n, we looked everywhere for you! Where were you?!"

Yep, definitely worried- wouldn't be surprised if he's a little mad too.

"Koshi, I'm sorry- I lost track of time." 

I hugged him back, and he only held me tighter. He was quiet for a while and then I thought I heard something. Sniffling? I looked up at him and saw his teary orbs and felt a little bad. I guess I really did worry him just that much.

"Hey, it's okay. You found me, I'm safe."

I rubbed his back and that calmed him after he took a few deep breaths and stroked my hair gently. 

"I was really worried. Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"My phone died." 

Sugawara pulled back and looked at my face. I tried looking anywhere but at his face or in his eyes. He sighed and let go of me, then took my one hand. I started walking with him and followed.

"Come on, I'm walking you home."

I stopped in mid step, and looked at the ground. He instantly noticed and then turned around and faced me. 

"I-" My voice started out strong, but it soon faded to being softer. "I don't want to go home Koshi..."

He looked at me with soft, caring eyes and bit his lip slightly as he thought about something. He sighed softly and smiled gently at me. 

"Do you want to stay at mine tonight instead?" 

He spoke softly and didn't push me to say why I didn't want to go home. I appreciated that he understood that it was my privacy and a personal problem. That's what I liked about Suga, he knows boundaries and has manners as well.

I only nodded and fought to hold back tears when I felt my eyes start to burn again. I covered my eyes with my free hand, and suddenly I felt a pair of arms slide to my back and under my knees. gently sweeping me off of my feet and lifting me into the air, carrying me.

I opened my eyes and put my one arm around his neck for extra support, as I held onto his shirt with the other hand. The waterworks decided to open the flood gates of the dam, and my tears kept flowing like a river.