Kidnapped By A Germaphobe

Just let me rant alright?

I can't put this on the public convo cause I exceeded the word limit, here you go.

Given the fact that nobody ever fucking reads these, I'll rant like never before.

I genuinely feel sick as of right now, and yeah, it has something to do with me getting around three hours of sleep a day for the past four-?- months. And honestly I blame myself. My depression is getting the better of me and I've had around three full on breadowns towards my mom. What's even worse is, my dad is currently in a mental hospital somewhere in Virginia, the reason? Because his negative thoughts are getting the better of him.

I remember when he tried committing suicide back when we lived in Washington, and it pains me, whenever my mom compares me to my dad, always saying that I can be better than him if I just be more 'productive'. Yeah right.

Like you're one to talk. Nowadays my mom is arguing with school officials over the fact that my math teacher, doesn't like me. See, my mom's the type to say, "Who pays the bills?" and shit like that.

Jesus fucking Christ. It hurts my soul whenever I rant like this. Because they always end up longer than whatever project I'm working on, because I always have things on my mind.

Oh yeah! On top of all the depression, emotional rollercoaster, the maybe divorce, and being compared to everyone. I'm ALSO being told I'm just like my dad. Y'know? My mentally unstable dad whose had some traumatic shit happen to him.

Did I mention that I feel like shit? Cause I just woke up from a nap, and I couldn't move nessicarily. My arms felt like they were going to just fall the fuck off if I moved.

Point being, I just wanted to rant and grieve. If you find what you just read 'offensive', then you can fuck off my page. God...I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry--Is what I say to myself everyday because it's all my fault that I'm still here. But, whatever.

Anyway, have a great day my little dumplings, I love you all. A new update might be posted soon, or maybe in a few hours. I'll decide depending on my mental state. Goodbye guys, again I love you with all my heart.

--Alyssa 💕