topics. [discontinued]

will

A yawn escaped my mouth as my eyes fluttered open. I don't think I've had that nice of a sleep in a long while. After a few seconds of rubbing the tiredness from my eyes and stretching out my legs, I sat up in my bed. I looked beside me to see Jordan already gone. I wasn't surprised or anything, just slightly upset.

In Jordan's spot in my bed lay a yellow post-it note that said, 'Jordan slept here!' with a cute smiley face next to the letters. I smiled to myself and stuck the small letter to the edge of my computer.

I picked up the wrinkled sheets from my bed and cuddled them longingly, the scent of Jordan's "manly" cologne, as he likes to say, filled my nose. Last night we laid tangled in each other from 5 PM to the moment the night took me and I slipped into a case of slumber. He left before it got too early in the morning so no one walking through the streets would notice his departure from my house.

After a couple minutes of my abnormal cuddle session with some bed sheets, I noticed the time and shot up from my bed. The full body mirror that stood in the corner of my room mocked me, but I didn't dare go near it, afraid of the reflection it would show me.

So, I made my way down to the kitchen where my foster parents were. Susie, my foster mom, was standing by the stove and cooking scrambled eggs and bacon. Mark, my foster dad, sat on a high top chair and his elbows were propped up on the kitchen counter. In his hands was the Saturday newspaper and his glasses lay on the tip of his nose, I could easily assume that he was deeply into a story from the sports section.

And yes, they are foster parents. Long story short: my birth parents just couldn't take care of me financially. Susie and Mark adopted me while taking their yearly trip to London, England. Some people may think it's sad for me to not have my birth parents in my life at the moment, but Susie and Mark are just as much my parents as they would be. Possibly, even more.

I leaned onto the counter and pressed my elbow to the table as the palm of my hand supported my head. "Good morning, Susie," I smiled to the woman in front of me, "Breakfast smells nice." She was a red-head and had the most curly hair I've ever seen. The bandana that acted as a headband on her head completed her 'housewife' look.

"Thank you, sweetie," She smiled and turned off the stove, signaling the food was done.

"So, does this mean you're going to eat it today?" Susie sighed as she took out a few plates and scraped the contents of the pan onto them.

My stomach immediately tied into knots and I suddenly felt nauseous. She placed one plate in front of Mark, one plate where she'd be sitting in a few seconds, and one in front of where I was standing.

"Uhh," I swallowed hard and removed my arm from the table, going to scratch the back of my neck, "Actually, I suddenly feel quite ill. And I have to be somewhere too and I'm not even dressed yet! Have to pass. Thanks for cooking, though." After that, I scurried back up into my room before they could say anything to persuade my choices differently.

I closed my bedroom door behind me and leaned against it, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths. I felt ashamed and proud of myself all at the same time. Ashamed that I let my parents down, once again. But proud because I didn't give in. It may sound selfish, but it had to be done.

Soon, I opened my eyes and they immediately connected with the mirror. I saw my bare feet along with the sweatpants that covered my long legs. My feet took control and I walked up to it until my entire full body was reflecting back at me. I cringed at the sight of the horribly dark circles under my eyes and defined collarbones. My eyes examined every little inch of my body, pointing out every flaw they could find. My mind screamed at me, shouting every flaw one by one until it physically hurt to even think.