Present Drifter

Chapter 17

My head pounds as I roll over. I feel my body slowly sink into soft material as I move. I feel heavy under the heap of blankets I'm under. I slowly open my eyes as I realize I'm in an unfamiliar bed.

Placing my hands behind me, I push myself up into a sitting position. I'm greeted by the red sheets and curtains that I saw inside of Asher's room. Frantically, I start looking around trying to find proof that my suspicions are wrong. I'm disappointed when I come to find myself exactly where I thought I was when I first woke up.

"You're alright!" I turn as a voice speaks to me from across the room. Asher approaches me from the bookshelves across the room. He grins at me as I sit in confusion in his bed.

"Yea, I'm alright." I confirm, even though I can't remember how I came to end up in a version of my ex boyfriend's bed.

In a sudden moment of realization, I quickly grab the top of the covers and raise them up slightly so I can see myself. I sigh and drop the fabric when I find myself in the same shirt dress as yesterday. My eyes go back to looking around the room to find my jacket but instead I'm met by Asher raising his eyebrows in curious confusion.

"You thought," Asher says while pointing at the sheets I just checked under. I feel my face quickly warm up.

"N-no," I stutter. "I just don't remember how I got here." I explain.

Asher gives a small nod with his lips pressed together as he makes the rest of the way to the bed, his bed. He turns and sits down on the edge of the mattress near where I've come to sit up.

"You passed out last night. Didn't take the rum well." He says. "Luckily, Melvin brought you up to me before anyone could take advantage of the situation."

"Oh." I whisper realizing the danger I might've been in.

I should've known I wouldn't handle the alcohol well considering I've never had any before. My head falls into the palm of my hands as I realize how idiotic my actions were. I've got to be more careful here. After what happened with Piers, I should have realized that dancing around drunk with the crew wouldn't end well.

Asher props his leg up onto the bed so that he's facing me. His eyes search my face as I contemplate my failures. He bites a small portion of his lips as his eyes slow and lock with mine. I feel my heart begin to race as we look at each other. His eyes are the same as Daxon's, the same faded grey that I've always gotten lost in.

Without thinking, as if it's instinct. I reach out to him and lace my fingers through his thick messy hair. He leans into the touch and closes his eyes as if he's been in pain and my touch has somehow healed him. He reaches up and wraps his hand around my wrist, pulling me close. I let the action bring me forward until my face is just in front of his.

My chest rises and falls quicker as he moves so that his forehead rests on my own. His hand gently loosens its grip around my hand, slowly moving it's way up my arm. My skin tingles under the touch of his fingertips. He traces up my arm until he gets to the fabric of the shirt, then he moves to wrap his hands around my waist.

His large hands grip into the skin in my back and pull me even closer. I turn my head slightly so that my lips are in front of his, so that my breath teases at his. Gently, he closes the distance, his lips finally interlocking with mine. I bring my other hand up and wrap it back around his neck pulling him as close as I can get him. He places a hand on the bed to keep us from falling backward. My body hums with excitement as we touch as if I'm breathing fresh air for the first time, but then he pulls away.

I feel the disconnect immediately as he let's go. My body moves forward slightly, not ready to let go. Asher stares at me with fear in his eyes as he slowly pulls his hands away from me. I reach out to him but he gets up and takes a few steps backwards.

"Ash," I choke out, silently begging him to come back. He remains a few feet away from me, the same look of fear glued on his face. His grey eyes tremble as he stares at me. My eyes swell as he looks at me like he never has before, like I've hurt him. Like I've broken him.

"I can't," he says, turning away from me. He leaves me looking at his back.

"Can't what," I coax, trying to understand why he's pulling away. Asher isn't Daxon. He doesn't know me, hasn't loved me. What could I have possibly done in the past 24 hours to make him pull away.

Asher stands there, in silence, not acknowledging that I exist anymore. Slowly, I pull myself out of his bed and let my feet fall onto the wood below. I take careful steps until I'm close enough behind him that I could touch him. I go to reach out to him but quickly pull my hand back in, scared to touch him again.

"Is it something I did?" I ask quietly, my eyes falling to the ground in insecurity. My question makes him quickly turn around so that he can see me again.

"No." He pauses. "No, Em-" Asher stops as my name begins to form at his lips. "It's not you."

"Then what is it?" I beg for an answer. My face furrows as my eyes meet his again, as tears begin to form. The ache of him pulling away, the ache from Daxon leaving erupts in my chest. My breathing falters as I stand there, begging Asher to tell me why Daxon left me, why I wasn't good enough for him to stay.

Asher reaches out and holds my cheek in his hand. I sink into his touch like he sunk into mine, closing my eyes as I hold onto his touch.

"I can't love you," he says. I feel his arm tremble before he pulls his hand away from me.

"Why," I choke in tears. His own eyes begin to tear up as he looks down at me. He slowly shakes his head.

"Because I can't lose you again," he whispers. I take a step forward and grab his arm without even thinking. Each movement is careless of the consequence.

"You won't lose me." I argue, trying to persuade him.

"I always do."

The other lives I've traveled to flash through my mind as Asher stares at me in pain. The gunshot rang out in the field with William who fell to his knees as I held onto my bleeding chest. Ryder holding me and screaming out in pain as I fell victim to poisoning. They both loved me in some way, both watched as my life was taken. Asher knows.

My mouth falls open as I stare at Asher. The words he said lingering in my ear. I always do.

I always lose you.

Because I died. Not once but twice, and something tells me a lot more than just that. Asher knows how my pasts have ended. How we've always ended. He somehow knows.

Unconsciously, I stumble backwards as his words come to piece together in my brain. Asher has told me twice that he brought me here to protect me. He's trying to save me from the same demise as before. He's trying to keep me safe while also trying to keep himself safe. Safe from losing the girl he loves.

I choke on my tears and fall onto my knees. My body falls forward trembling, my head falling back into my hands. I hear Asher's footsteps barrel over to me and his hands fall grasp onto the small of my back.

"Emberly," he pleads with me as he wraps his hands around me, trying to pull me back up.

I let him pull me up. I let him pull me into his arms. The same arms that have probably held me as I died who knows how many times.

"You're drifting." Asher states without any other explanation. The word Present Drifter comes back into my mind. The title I found on the internet for the experiences I've been having. The past lives I've been living. I sniffle and force my eyes to meet Ashers.

As my eyes meet him he pulls away and stands up, leaving me a mess on the floor. He doesn't look back as he walks away and out the door.

I break down into sobs on the floor again as the door closes behind him. My mind races in circles as it tries to comprehend what I just realized.

He knows. Asher knows.