/ Red vs Blue X Male OC Season 5 \

S5 • E17 - Tucker Knows Best

Fade into the caves where the Reds are.

Grif: "PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON! What's the one thing I told you? Don't embarrass the family!"

Simmons: "I don't think she's embarrassing -whoa, why is she doing splits?"

Sarge: "Huh, is this that Facebook thing I keep hearing about?"

Simmons: "Does this thing take dollar bills?"

Shadow: "You people are disgusting!"

Grif: "Come on, that's my sister! And you're looking at her naked!"

Simmons: "So? She's not our sister."

Grif: "Stop looking at her!"

Simmons: "Why does Donut get to look?"

Donut: "Hey, why does the Blue base get so much more natural light than ours? It gives the interior a much more airy and open feeling."

Grif: "That's why Donut gets to look."

Sarge: "Ohhh, look, she's puttin' her armor back on. (Feels Shadow and Grif's glares) Uh, I mean, oh look, she is putting her armor back on. Good work Soldier!"

Grif: "Don't patronize me."

Simmons: "It looks like the Blues are having some kind of meeting."

Sarge: "What? I knew it. They're coming to attack our base. Dirty backstabbers."

Donut: "I thought the Blues were supposed to attack us?"

Sarge: "Dirty frontstabbers! Simmons, what're they saying?"

Simmons: "I have no idea. I can't find the volume on this monitor. And without any sound it just looks like a bunch of helmets bobbing up and down."

Sarge: "Is that how they talk? They look ridiculous."

Shadow: "But... don't WE talk like that Sarge?"

The whole room was silent.

Cut to the Blues all gathered on top of Blue Base.

Church: "Alright, Vic called and said we should attack the Red base right away. I don't know why but, I guess we're gonna do it."

Ash: "Why now?"

Tucker: "Attack? Shouldn't we call soldiers or the military for something like that?"

Church: "And for some reason he thinks it's a good idea for some of us to go through the caves."

Tex: "Why?"

Church: "I don't know, who cares? So, me and Tex and Tucker are gonna go right up the middle."

Tucker: "What about my kid? He can't go in to battle!"

Church: "Doc, Sister, and Junior, you guys go get lost in the caves."

Tucker: "Oh."

Church: "We'll find you after the battle's over. Unless we die, in which case we won't find you, and you're gonna have to find us. And if that happens I want to be buried as far away as possible from these three."

Tucker: "Yeah, and I wanna be stuffed and put on a couch with a cooler full o' beer, a bag full of cheese puffs, non-stop reruns of Baywatch and- ah, you know what, it's all in my will."

Caboose: "What about me? Can I get lost too?"

Tex: "No Caboose, Ash and I need you to stay here and watch Sheila."