Ghost of you

Comfort and Pain from memories

A few days have passed and after I spent time with the guys, my mom and step dad came over to spend time with me. After the last couple of days I've had I'm really greatfull for everyone visiting me, my thoughts have been controlling me and making me over think things that I really don't want to think about.

Nancy: "Zak we're here"

I went over to greet my mom and step dad then I made them some drinks. I don't have to even say anything but I can tell my mom knows that I'm struggling with how I'm feeling.

Nancy: "how have you been hunny?"

Zak: "I'm OK"

I can feel tears starting to build up in my eyes and myself starting to break down again. Before I can completely break down my step dad put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me.

Thomas: "it's ok son... But really how have you been?"

Zak: "really I'm ok... Just keep having thoughts that's all"

Nancy: "we know how much Y/N meant to you hunny but she's always with you"

I don't know what came over me but I actually started to ask what actually happened. I've missed so much since being away I feel like I need to know everything.

Zak: "what actually happened, how did Y/N die?"

Both my mom and step dad looked at eachother before my mom held my hand in hers and began to tell me.

Nancy: "she was in the car with her boyfriend Callum and they were arguing. Callum actually started to get physically angry at Y/N and hit her whilst driving and he lost control of the car before crashing"

I became so angry... so angry that I even balled my hands into fists, I didn't want to hear anymore but on the other hand I need to hear more... I need to know more.

Zak: "did Callum die in the crash too?"

Once again my mom and step dad looked at eachother and in that instant I knew what I needed to know.

Thomas: "no son, some how he managed to survive the impact"

I became even more angry, my heart was pounding and my breathing became heavy. I wanted to go and find Callum and kill him myself. I stood up angrily and began to pace back and forth.

Nancy: "Zak we can't imagine how you must be feeling right now but please try and calm down"

Zak: "calm down! How can I calm down when the one girl who I actually loved has died and what makes matters worse is that the guy who caused her death is still living and breathing and possibly walking the streets. I'm way beyond angry... I'm pissed off!"

Thomas: "Son you have every right to be pissed off, but we actually have something here for you. This box here is from Y/N and it contains a lot of things that was and is very important to you"

I instantly calmed down and I sat back down again just as my mom passed me a box full of bits from Y/N. I really want to open it right here right now but I actually want to be alone to look through all of this. As if my mom and step dad knew they both stood up from their chairs before they came over to me and comfort me before they headed back home.

Nancy: "Y/N's always with you Zak and she loved you so much. She was such great girl. But as I just said she's always with you"

My mom leaned in closer to me hugged me then she kissed my forehead.

Nancy: "we'll give you some time to look through all of this, we're always here for you sweetie"

Thomas: "no matter what time day or night we're here for you and we'll help you"

Zak: "I love you both so much"

Nancy: "we love you too sweetie"

With that my mom and step dad left me and made their way back home. Once they left I stood up and went to open the box, but something in my mind kept telling me not to open it. Then suddenly I heard Y/N's voice say to me...

Y/N: "please open it Zak"

My heart was pounding fast but I finally opened it and looked inside. One by one I started taking everything out of the box and laid it out on the table before I sat down and looked at everything.

There was a lot of photos of me and Y/N together... funny ones, serious ones and even ones that you can see that we both loved eachother... I looked at each photo and took in every little detail.

Then I started looking at other items then I came across a lot of envelopes all filled with letters that was left unsent, it's all letters Y/N wanted to send to me. Each letter was Y/N telling me how much she missed me and the guys and how she can't wait for us to come home again. Then I came across another letter but when I held this letter I instantly got the feeling of pain, worry and fear. These aren't my feelings.... These are what Y/N was feeling.

I slowly opened the letter and read it word for word.

Y/N: "Hey Zak hope you and the guys are all keeping safe I miss you so much and can't wait for you to come home. There's so much I really need to tell you all, I just wish all of you was here right now.

I have to admit something to you all, I'm going through a rough time. Callum has started to become mentally, emotionally and physically abusive. I just want to run away and be with you all but I can't find a way out and everyone around me doesn't believe me.

Zak it's gotten so bad I've actually stayed over your mom's a few times. I'm actually sat around your mom's whilst I'm writing this to you. I just wish I am able to send this to you but as you guys are always on the move I can't. I wish you can come home right now, I need your help. I want you to keep me safe.

Please come home

I love you

Y/N xxxx"

I looked at the date she wrote this letter and saw she wrote this a week before she died. As I held the letter in my hands they began to shake, I feel angry, lost, hurt and broken. I wish I received this letter I could have come home and saved her. Tears were building up in my eyes and as each second ticks by my heart was breaking more and more. I fell to the floor and cried.

Zak: "why!.... Why!"

In my moment of anger I stood up and started throwing everything to the floor, everything that once belonged to Y/N is now on the floor. During my break down I grabbed one of the photos of us that was in a frame and threw it... It hit the wall with a smash.

After I realized what I done I went over to the photo frame picked it up and saw the glass was all smashed. I fell to my knees and started crying again.

Zak: "I'm sorry Y/N, I'm sorry I should have been here for you. Please... Please forgive me"

I cried more and more until I made my way to the couch before I curled myself up into a ball and surrendered to my pain.