If He Hadn't

If He Hadn't Kissed Me

I was drunk as a skunk by the time he found me. Sprawled out against the side of the couch, having a conversation with the cutest girl leaning on my shoulder, only half realizing that she'd passed out over ten minutes ago. It was pretty funny actually. End of  semester parties were great.
    "The reason men like boobs," I explained very carefully to her, answering the question I'd been asked about an hour ago, "is...," I furrowed my brow. I knew the reason, but the words were swimming  just out of my reach in a sea of Jack Daniels. I decided to take another sip. It came to me. "They're soft!"
    "Tony," came a quiet but deeply exasperated male voice.
    I looked down at the girl who was still conked  out on me. "God your voice got low." I busted out laughing at my own joke. I was hilarious when I was drunk, I know.
    "Tony!" Someone grabbed my face and turned it forward. I found myself face to face with a very annoyed WooHyuk.
    "WooHyuk! What are you doing here!? I didn't know you went to my school!" I covered my mouth with my hand, giggling uncontrollably as I slid slowly but inexorably down until I was lying flat on the carpet.
    "I'm here because you called me to pick you up you idiot. I've been waiting outside for over half an hour. I should have realized you'd be totally wasted." WooHyuk rolled his eyes at me. "Get up, we're going. It's past 3 and we have practice tomorrow."
    "Wait!" I whined, not quite grasping  why he was being so short with me. "Wait till I finish this." I picked up my half empty glass and tilted it towards my mouth, forgetting all about the laws of physics until half the contents of the glass ended up in the back of my throat and the other half all over my neck and shirt. I spluttered, rolling over and coughing.
    "Done?" he asked, apparently too impatient to laugh at me. I moaned. Rolling over real fast like that had caused my alcohol saturated stomach to turn and my head to pound. I lay still like a slug with my face pressed into the carpet. I heard a long-suffering sigh above me.
    "Tony, why can't you have some restraint?  You always end up like this."  WooHyuk put his hands under my arms and lifted my up bodily. I brushed his hands off me and tried to take a step on my own. The room swayed and I found my face planted in the couch seat. Despite the fact that I felt like shit, I giggled some more. It was funny.
    Again I felt WooHyuk lift me under my arms, but instead of placing me on my own feet he draped me like a sack over his shoulder, holding me in place with an arm clasped around my thighs. I made a weird moaning sound at the feeling of my now very delicate stomach being pressed into his bony shoulder.
    "Puke on me and die."
    I nodded my head and hurriedly pressed my lips together hard. Even when I'm wasted I know when he's not joking around.   
    He carried me out the door to his car without another word, which really must have been quite a task because I'm no lighter than he is, and having found myself basically face to face with his backside, had started amusing myself by going through the back pocket of his jeans. I started laughing hysterically as I pulled out a condom. The packaging was faded and brittle, obviously having gone through the wash.
    "I found a condom!!!" I yelled loudly, waving it around. "Woooh! WooHyuk was planning on getting some!" A few people that were hanging outside the house stared at us and I felt WooHyuk stiffen beneath me and walk a little faster. His car was parked around the corner and as soon as we were out of sight he gave my backside a hard smack, and I mean hard. It wasn't even playful and it really hurt.
    "Ow! You abuser!" I yelled, kicking my legs.
    "Stop that," he hissed, trying to keep hold of me as I writhed around. "And keep your hands out of my pockets."
    "You keep your hands off my ass!"
    WooHyuk made a very frustrated sound as he tossed me on the sidewalk none to gently so he could unlock his car.
    'Hmph,' I thought. Where was his sense of humor? Maybe I could crawl away while he wasn't looking. I forced myself onto my hands and knees and started making my way unsteadily back towards the house. But for some reason the sidewalk seemed to have been made unevenly. I could have sworn I was going in a perfectly straight line, but the edge kept getting closer and closer! Before I realized what was happening I found my head in the gutter. 'Well this is ironic.' I thought, and started giggling all over again. I mean, not only was I drunk, but I literally WAS in the gutter.
    "Fuck. Tony, why do you have to be so difficult?"  Whoops, I guess WooHyuk found me. I thought I'd gone so far too. I gurgled in response to his question and he picked me up again. This time he didn't lift me by the arms, but grabbed my whole body with his own arms beneath my back and legs and held me like a baby or a girl or something, which was pretty funny really.
    "Oh darling," I snickered, tossing my arms around his neck. "I didn't know you cared for me this way." I clung to his neck as he tried to lay me in the back seat. "Oh you bad boy," I patted his chest, "waiting till I'm drunk, putting me in your back seat, with a condom in your back pocket no less."
    "Stop that and let me go Tony," WooHyuk said, suddenly sounding very tired, "or you really will regret it."
    "Ooh will you spank me again you bad boy?" I said, refusing to let go of his neck and wiggling my eyebrows before busting out laughing so hard I felt like I was gonna pee my pants.
    WooHyuk rolled his eyes heavenwards and mumbled something under his breath. Then he did something which I never in all my years of knowing him would have expected him to do. He kissed me.
    If he thought that was going to shut me up he was wrong. As soon as his lips left mine I started laughing twice as hard as before.  "WooHyukie, are you drunk too? Hahaha you're kissing the wrong person! I'm a dude! Hahahah!" Oh man was this ever hilarious. WooHyuk kissing a dude, never mind that dude is me. He'll never live this down. I can't wait to see his face the next morning when he realizes what he did. Yeah, I'd already forgotten all sorts of details like the fact that he was¯n't drunk and that he knew exactly who I was. Then again,  I could barely remember why I was in his car. I was really fucked up.
    "I am not kissing the wrong person," he said flatly. He kissed me again, roughly, pressing my head down into the car seat. His tongue was in my mouth. My amusement faded and I closed my eyes, letting my arms slide off his neck to grip his forearms. With my eyes closed, I kind of forgot who exactly it was that was kissing me like this. I just knew that it felt amazing. Definitely one of the best kisses I have ever had. I swooned.