If He Hadn't

If He Hadn't Punched Me

I love him.
    I remember the first time I thought those words. We'd already been in a relationship for over two weeks. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I before I was thinking that I didn't love him. I certainly wasn't stepping all over everything I'd thought about myself and my sexuality to  be with a man for whom my feelings weren't strong. It's just that I hadn't put those feelings into words in my head yet. I suppose I was just being a coward. In the beginning of our relationship, that's about all I was.

    The sun was peering  in around the edges of my curtain as I got dressed Monday morning. It was only two weeks ago that WooHyuk and I had kissed in the hallway and started our tenuous love affair, if that's what you can call it. In general things are the same between us, except for the part where I curl up with him in his bed at night and we suck face till õ I think my lips will fall off. I mean after that I always get up and go back to my own room to sleep. So I get hot at night! Plus what if he snores? What if I snore? Not to mention the fact that as a virile youth in my prime I'm sometimes prone to dreams of a sexual persuasion. Anyway, just because  I  like WooHyuk and we kiss does not mean that I'm suddenly ready to be in THAT kind of relationship with him. After all I've only ever been with girls before. Tugging on my baggy jeans I almost fell over laughing at the sudden image I got of WooHyuk as a girl.
    'Wait,' I thought with sudden horror, one leg still dangling bare outside my jeans, 'is that how he thinks of me? As "the girl"?' The mere thought made me fume.
    "WooHyuk!" I yelled, marching out to the kitchen, knowing he was certainly already up.
    "Hmm?" he looked up at my enraged figure from where he was busy filling a bowl with rice from our rice cooùker.
    "I am not a girl!" I bellowed.
    He blinked. "No, you aren't. Here, I got your breakfast." He placed the bowl  next to several other dishes on the table.
    "Oh...ok," I said in a quiet voice, feeling somehow defeated. "Thanks."
    "And you forgot to button your jeans."
    I looked down. "Shit, your right. Thanks." I quickly buttoned myself up.
    WooHyuk shrugged and smiled faintly.
    "Aren't you gonna eat?" I asked, jamming my mouth with rice.
    "Ate earlier," he answered.   
    I managed to swallow my large mouthful rather painfully. "Oh? what're you still doing here then?" He usually leaves the house as soon as he's done eating. I'm not quite sure what he does between then and practice. I've always assumed he runs errands and hangs out with his other friends or something like that.
    "Oh," he had that nervous look again but I couldn't ponder it for long because the rice I was shoveling into my mouth was trying to ch˛oke me and I started hacking up my lungs. I was aware of his hand hitting my back helpfully and when I finally stopped and could breathe again, it lingered, resting below the nape of my neck. "I just wanted to see you." he finally said, his eyes on the tabletop.   
    "Won't we see each other at practice?" I asked, confused.   
    WooHyuk let out a puff of air and his hand dropped.  "Never mind," he said curtly as he got up and left.
    'What's wrong with him?' I wondered, watching his retreating back.

    I waltzed into the practice room a few hours later and was greeted by the familiar scent of sweaty men. Ugh. I've seriously considered bringing some Pine Sol with me one of these days. I think I'd start by spraying KangTa. He may look girly and sweet but he sure doesn't smell that way. The man sweats like a pig. Plus I could probably manage to get HeeJun in the same blast, since our leader is always hanging on KangTa's elbow. I opened my gym bag absently and pulled out my workout shirt. I sniffed it and wrinkled my nose. Ok, maybe I could do with a good spritz myself. Or maybe I should try washing my clothes more often.
    I shrugged my shoulders and started changing. I had just my arms through my shirt when I felt something brush my side. I glanced over and saw WooHyuk had put his stuff down on my bench and was getting changed next to me. He was standing so close that our arms brushed casually.
    Feeling my face get hot I sidled a  few inches away from him. But to my consternation he sidled right along after me. I frownedq and moved again. Again he moved next to me, so close our arms were pressed against each other. I turned at him and hissed in a whisper, "What are you doing you freak!?"
    "Getting changed," he answered me mildly in a normal voice. To my horror I saw JaeWon turn his head to look at us from the other side of the room. Just what I don't need. Everyone learning that I've started batting for the home team.
    "Well do it somewhere else." I whispered crossly. I swear ever since we got together he's been  bothering me at practice more and more. It's like he's actively trying to expose me to the guys!
    "No."
    I gaped at him but before I could respond he pulled his shirt the rest of the way down, tapped the end of my nose with his finger, turned around and walked off. I was still looking like a fish out of water, a very goggle-eyed, red-faced fish.
    "WooHyuk!" I started irately, before realizing that HeeJun, KangTa, and JaeWon were all staring at me interestedly. It wasn't often that WooHyuk and I had disagreements and I'm sure our little display was going to be the day's gossip between them. I laughed loudly and scratched the back of my head. Fuck.