hxh oneshots

phantom troupe x reader

once again if you're a child dont read this i will call your parents

it was a peaceful day in the hideout.

chrollo was reading his books, shalnark, machi, phinks and feitan were playing card games and the rest was who knows where.

the only member that was not there, was hisoka.

chrollo wasn't aware of his whereabouts, but since he though the magician was probably off stalking gon and killua, he didn't pay it too much mind.

softly humming, he kept on reading in peace.

well, not for long.

At around 6pm, there was a loud thump, and a frustrated scream could be heard throughout the base.

chrollo's head shot up immediately, like the rest of the troupe.

"what was that?" phinks asked.

"how would we know, you imbecile?" feitan retorted back, rolling his eyes.

"yahoo~ i'm baack!" almost everyone, apart from shalnark, who had his usual nasty 'im a bastard and i want to be punched' smile on his face, rolled their eyes at hisoka.

"why the fuck is your dooru flattykawa bitchass talking like that?" machi spat at the man.

hisoka sighed.

"i just wanna be... appreciated.." hisoka said in the voice of an old lady, the background music magically sounding from behind him.

*slap*

"sucks to be you ig" shizuku laughed.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

everyone stared at shizuku, who stared back.

"uhm, anyways! look at what i brought!" forgetting his sad mood from earlier, hisorka proudly presented the person he had brought with him.

"what the fuck is brunch?" chrollo said, earning weird looks from his member.

"sorry." he coughed awkwardly.

"who is it that you brought with you, my dearest hisorka?"

"this," hisoka pointed at you,"is y/n."

you silently let your eyes wander over the troupe, examining every single one.

but one particular person caught your eye.

you were a kurta, yk.

jk

chile anyways so

but one particular person caught your eye. (🔴👄🔴⛓ )

"OMG CHROLLO IS THAT YOU"

said zaddy.. i mean said man raised an eyebrow.

"yes? how is it that you know me?"

"IKDNSHDJDJDJDICJDHRJSJCJCN"

"wtf is she saying, boss?" pakunoda asked, but got no answer in response.

"this is why i'm a lesbian.."

"ICHDHDUC OMG CHROLLO FJDNFJFJEKNSJFJFJFB YOU DONT KNOW HOW LONG IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT OKAY okay okay okay.. i cannot mess this up. i have something really important to say to you. that's also why i made hisorka bring me here."

"my name is hisoka, not hisorka." hisoka kindly corrected you, sending you a genuine smile.

"bitch, shut the faek up and get back to clown college."

hisorka started frying.

"what do you have to say to me, y/n?"

"omghejchdjc chrollo zaddy said my name" *cutely sharts all over the ground*

"I'm starting to really like her." Phinks said.

"okay, so, chrollo.."

he hummed, anticipating her words.

"IKNOWWEONLYJUSTMETBUTPLEASEIAMBEGGINGYOUCHROLLOLUCILFERIWANTTOSUCKYOURDICKSOBADLY. I KNOW YOURE PACKING AT LEAST 69 INCHES AND I WANT TO MAKE IT MY LIFES PURPOSE TO SPEND MY TIME SUCKING YOUR HUMONGOUS GIGANTIC NOBLE MONSTER COCK. I GENUINELY BELIEVE IT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN PUT ON THIS EARTH FOR. I WANT TO GAG ON YOU AND CONSUME ALL YOUR LOVE JUICES. I WANT TO TAKE ALL YOUR CUM AND BAKE A CAKE FROM IT. I WANT TO MAKE SLIME AND THEN EAT IT. AND I AM BEGGING YOU TO GRANT MY WISH."

chrollo blinked.

hisorka blinked.

shalnark blinked.

machi blinked.

shizuku blinked.

feitan blinked.

kortopi didn't blink.

bananalev blinked.

ion remember the rest of the troupe atm but they all b l i n k e d.

"lol ok"

i told you NOT to read it 😫
i also have serious fanfictions btw check them out