Heathers Characters React to Heathers

Dead Gay Son

[RAM'S DAD:]
You wait just a minute, Paul! It is ignorant, hateful talk like yours that makes this world a place our boys could not live in!
Kurt and Ram both paused for a moment "Is...is that my old man..?" Ram stiffened, turning to [Y/N] for the remote "Please skip it-" "Nope!"

They were not dirty!
They were not wrong!
They were two lonely verses
In the Lord's great song!

[KURT'S DAD:]
Our boys were pansies, Bill!
"I beg to differ." Kurt grunted

[RAM'S DAD:]
Yes!
My boy's a homosexual
"NO WE'RE NOT!" Both boys spring in their seats attempting to get in from of the tv. "Sit." Heather C said holding her heel "Now."
And that don't scare me none...
I want the world to know...
I love my dead gay son!
Both boys hesitantly slumped back into their seats, grumbling beneath their breaths

I've been thinking. Praying. Reading some magazines. And it's time we opened our eyes!
Veronica snickered "It's about time, right guys?" Heather M giggled and nodded.

Well, the good Lord made the universe
The Lord created man
And I believe it's all a part of his gigantic
"Dick?" JD tilted his head. plan "Oh."
I know God has a reason
For each mountain and each flower
And why he chose to let our boys get busy in the shower!
They were not dirty..
They were not fruits!
"Whats fruit got to do with it..?" Martha asked. "Don't worry about it." Ram said quickly
They were just two stray laces in the Lord's big boots
Well, I never cared for homos much until I reared me one

[RAM'S DAD & CONGREGATION:]
But now I've learned to love...

[RAM'S DAD:]
I love my dead gay son!

[CONGREGATION:]
He loves his son
He loves his son
His dead gay son!
All three Heathers began clapping and humming along. [Y/N] smirked and began singing too, giving the boys a teasing smirk.

[RAM'S DAD:]
Now, I say my boy's in heaven!
And he's tanning by the pool
The cherubim walk with him and him, and Jesus says it's cool!
They don't have crime or hatred, there's no bigotry or cursin'..
Just friendly fellows dressed up like their fav'rite Village Person!
They were not dirty..

[CONGREGATION:]
No, no!

[RAM'S DAD:]
They just had flair!

[CONGREGATION:]
Whoa!

[RAM'S DAD:]
They were two bright red ribbons in the Lord's long hair
Well, I used to see a homo and go reachin' for my gun
"As you shou-" Kurt was cut off by [Y/N] using their elbow to knock him in the side "Don't even think of it."

[RAM'S DAD & CONGREGATION:]
But now I've learned to love...

[RAM'S DAD:]
And furthermore!
These boys were brave as hell!
These boys, they knew damn well!
Those folks would judge 'em, they were desperate to be free!
They took a rebel stance, stripped to their underpants!
Both boys were red in the face, JD had been a chuckling mess, and Heather C had been tapping her heel on the floor, still humming. "Aw boys don't get too embarrassed, it's not like it's a surprise."
Paul, I can't believe that you
Still refuse to get a clue
After all that we been through..
Kurt and Ram both sat up "Wait what-" Kurt cleared her throat and nudged his friend, shaking his head "Nah. It's a joke."

I'm talkin' you and me!
In the summer of '83!
The girls began giggling, and Martha had an 'O' shape forming in her mouth "I thought something seemed off."

[KURT'S DAD:]
That was one hell of a fishing trip
"WHAT FHE ACTUAL FLYING FUCK?!" Ram yelled. Kurt had his face shoved in a pillow, muffled yelling coming from it.

[CONGREGATION:]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
They were not dirty..
Whoa!
And not perverse..
"Well..maybe a bit." Veronica coughed.
No, no!
They were just two stray rhinestones
On the Lord's big purse!

[BOTH DADS:]
Our job is now continuing the work that they begun!

[CONGREGATION:]
'Cause now we love, love, love!
We love your dead..

[RAM'S DAD:]
They're up there disco dancing to the thump of angel wings!
"Bold of them to assume your asses didn't get sent to hell." Heather D muttered.

[KURT'S DAD:]
They grab a mate...

[RAM'S DAD:]
And roller skate..

[BOTH DADS:]
While Judy Garland sings!

[RAM'S DAD:]
They live a playful afterlife that's fancy-free and reckless!
"You two do tackle each other a lot.." Martha fidgeted with her sweater.

[KURT'S DAD:]
They swing upon the pearly gates..

[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION:]
And wear a pearly necklace!

[CONGREGATION:]
Whoo!

[BOTH DADS:]
They were not dirty!
"Did [Y/N] literally call them rapists?" Heather M raised a brow.

[CONGREGATION:]
No!

[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION:]
They were good men!
And now they're happy bear cubs in the Lord's big den!

[BOTH DADS:]
Go forth and love each other now
Like our boys would have done

[ALL:]
We'll teach the world to love...

[BOTH DADS:]
I love my dead gay son!
"I'm not-" Ram cleared his throat "We. We aren't gay!"
My son! My son!

[CONGREGATION:]
Not half bad, your dead gay son!
Wish I had your dead gay son!
Thank you, dad, for your...

[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION:]
Dead! Gay! Son!
"Next. Next right fucking now." Both boys said in unison, staring at [Y/N]. "As you wish, my little gay babies~" [Y/N] said, going to the YouTube search bar once again.