I Love You ~ Mark and Amy

TWO

"No.. No, she's not doing alright," Mark sighed, sitting outside the hospital room while on the phone with Ethan, "I'm not okay, either, but I'm more worried about her. It doesn't really matter what I feel." 

"Don't say that," Ethan replied, "You're allowed to feel pain. You're the father, you lost a baby, too. Just because you didn't carry it or experience anything Amy is going through, doesn't mean you didn't have to sit back and watch everything unfold. It's going to hurt you in a different way than it is Amy."

"What am I doing wrong?" Mark asked softly, "I mean, I'm on a fuck ton of supplements, working out more than usual, cut out any caffeine, I've been literally wearing only shorts so my fucking dick doesn't get hot, oh, and not to forget that we can't use lube. All of that for years. Years! For this? For every fucking time we conceive, I have to watch the love of my life in so much pain she'd rather be dead. All because I'm the one who wants biological children. If we just used a fucking sperm donor like Amy wanted to, there wouldn't have been nearly the amount of complications that there are with mine."

"Mark, stop," Ethan sighed, "You both have fertility problems. It's not anyone's fault, Mark. You guys can't control your bodies like that."

"I feel like I've failed her." 

"You would have failed her if you left her after the first time. You stuck around. You held her hand through it all and I know for a fact that made her love you even more." Mark sighed, "Do you guys still have some eggs left?"

"I think we have two," Mark responded. 

"Keep them, don't just stop. Maybe stop trying on your own, maybe a surrogate? Maybe a friend would step in and help. There would be a lot of stress taken off of you guys, physically, at least." 

"We'll see." 

Mark sighed as he hung up shortly after, wiping his face and standing up. He walked back into the room, seeing Amy curled up into a ball on the hospital bed. 

"How's Ethan," Amy asked softly, her voice low and cracking. 

"Good, I guess," He sighed, "He's going to come in the morning and bring breakfast." Mark sat on the edge of the bed. "... What if we used a surrogate?" 

"Mark.." 

"No, I mean it. We have what, two eggs left?" Amy nodded. "Let's give them a chance. With a healthy uterus... they could have a chance." Amy looked up at him. "Maybe that's the push to the end of the line. Someone who doesn't have their insides fucked up." 

"Who?" Amy asked. 

"Well... I don't really know. We could just go through some organization and find a woman through that.. or maybe we could find a friend? I don't know who, though."

"Can we.. not talk about this right now? I don't want to think about this. I really can't." 

***

Three months after losing the baby is when things slowly went back to normal. Mark went back to doing Youtube full-time, Amy went back to doing some editing and graphic design, it all felt somewhat normal. Well, almost everything. 

Amy spends almost every morning in the nursery that they built almost five years ago, when they first got pregnant out of the blue. That pregnancy ended early, as well, Amy's water broke at 20 weeks. 

"Baby," Mark sighed, walking into the nursery, "Maybe we should just.. board up the door for now. I don't think it's really healthy for you to be in here every day folding clothes and sitting in the rocking chair." Mark looked around, seeing all the love that was put into the nursery.

"It's calm in here. It's like I can shelter away from the world and just.. relax. I don't know how, but I do." Mark nods a bit, "and I want to make sure the little outfits don't get wrinkled up, that would bother me. And I sweep, I clean, just as I would if we had a baby, but, we don't." 

"Okay, Amy? This isn't healthy. None of this is healthy. Come on, let's go cuddle or something." Mark smiled a bit, holding out his hand for her to grab. 

"I'm fine." She replied, beginning to fold more clothes. 

"Babe, please." 

"I said I'm fine." Amy snaps, looking back at him. "Did you not fucking hear me the first time, or do I need to make it clearer for you." Mark just stared at her, not wanting to say anything to upset her more. "For once, just fucking leave me be!" She shouted, shoving Mark backwards. He stumbles a bit, grabbing the wall for balance as he looks back at Amy. Her eyes dart back at him for a second before looking back at the clothes. 

"You want to be left alone? Is that want you want?" He asked with so much pain in his voice. 

"Yes! For the love of god, I don't want to be smothered with your 'come do this, come do that' shit. It's annoying."

"You want to be left alone. Okay." Mark walked out of the room, going to the kitchen to grab his wallet and keys. 

"Where are you going?" Amy asked, putting down a onesie and following him. 

"I'm not staying around to watch you crumble while you push me around." He turns around to face her. "I don't deserve that. Nobody deserves that. I have done NOTHING to you to make you fucking push me. I have helped in every and any way I can to make sure you have nothing to worry about, and then you fucking push me. I'm not fucking staying around for what's next. What is next, Amy? You going to hit me? Punch me? Because you know damn well I'm not going to do anything back. I respect you. I love you. I care for and about you. And you push me." 

"Mark, I-" 

"What, you're sorry? You're sorry for hurting my feelings? You did more than hurt my feelings, you fucking ruined the way I look at you. Are you even my wife anymore? Are you the woman I fell in love with and wanted to have kids with and grow old with? 11 years, Amy. 11 years I have fucking loved you for, and now I don't think I want another 11." 

"So you're leaving me."

"I'm leaving until I my wife is back, because I don't know who the fuck you are."