I Want to Leave

First night, wish it was the last

I held Sia to me, my head in her fur. The rise and fall of her soothed me enough to stay there. Then I heard the door open, I was about to loo up but a voice sounded, "Its just me." It was Hide's voice. I sighed lightly, I must have flinched or something because he walked over to near me. I looked up to him, he was a couple feet away, hovering over me cause he was standing, but if I was standing it wouldn't make much of a difference. He held out a hand to me, "Get up." He told me. I hesitate to grab his hand, but then just do and he pulled up off the couch with Sia still in my arm. He narrowed his eyes at me, looking to Sia then to me, his eyes telling me to drop Sia. I bend down and set the dog on the floor, he then grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him, looking at both of my arms, "They're infected, making them scar worse." He motioned to them.

I pull my arms away from him, "You're more talkative without Lennox." I growled at him, holding my arms against my body. He grunted and shook his head, grabbing me and picking me up. I felt my face grow hot as he carried me.

To my surprise, he carried me to the bathroom, he had even remembered where it was. He set me on the counter, I crossed my legs and laid my body over into my lap. I sighed lightly at his slight glare, "Rubbing alcohol is in the third cabinet over.." I muttered down to the floor. A second later the cabinet opened and I heard something being moved, then my arms where grabbed my arms. I instantly regret wearing a shortsleeve and sweatpants. I tense up, looking at Hide with pleading eyes "It's going to hurt.." my voice seemed to tremble as the words spilled out. Hide gave me a flash a pity as he pulled me off the counter, he pulled me infront of him and slowly ushered me towards the bathtub, I knew his plan, he was going to pour it on my arms and he didn't want to deal with a mess. It would be easier to sit with me on the floor anyways.

I tense as he sits me down, sitting behind me. I push myself against him, closing my eyes as he grabbed one arm, I flinch in pain as it hit my skin, I try to pull away from it but Hide held me still. I grab onto his arm, the one that held mine still, grabbing it tightly and digging my nails into his arm. I open my eyes once he was done pouring the liquid onto it, I pressed my head against his chest and look up at him, he shot me a small look of pity.  I tense and close my eyes again as he grabbed my other arm, I flinch harshly as soon as the burning liquid hit my arm. This hurt a lot worse, this arm had larger cuts and more infected cuts, more recent, only a day or so old.

I wince, pulling away as hard as I could, "Hide, please..!" I whine to him, pressing against him. Then it stopped and I felt two arms wrap around me, my arm still felt like fire, but I ignored it and sink into the arms around me. The soft rise and fall of Hide's chest calmed me a bit.

He sighed very lightly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." He apologized as he lightly swayed side to side. I nodded slowly as I laid my head on his shoulder, looking down at my arms. I felt him shift a bit, "Let me see them." His voice was once more soft as he reached to grab my arm, I pulled away from him, but calmed once he pulled me slightly away from him and looked into my eyes, "Alaska, it's alright. I won't do anything." I turned my body to lean against the tub, still slightly in his lap as I held my arms out in front of me. He grabbed a towel and lightly padded them, "Alaska, please be honest with me. Are there more?" He set a hand on my cheek, his eyes where soft, but obvious sternness behind them. I slowly get up to my feet.

"Give me a minute.." I muttered softly before I left the bathroom. I walk down the hall and to my room, closing the door and going to the closet. Grabbing a pear of spandex, I threw off the sweatpants and put them on instead, taking the shortsleeve off. I look at the mirror for a second. Long, deep cuts covered my stomach, thighs, and ankles. I wince, knowing most of them where new, scars scattered all over my body, mort from be but many from my father.

I slowly walk out of the room, turning down the hall, the bathroom in sight. I felt sick, I knew Ironhide wouldn't be happy with me, I had never knows he could be so delicate, I never knew he could take care of humans so well. I stopped, setting a hand against the wall that was only a foot from the bathroom. I breathe in slowly as I step forward then turn into the bathroom, Ironhide looked up from the floor. His hand was brought up and over his mouth, I could feel my body shaking, "It hurts.." I whine, feeling tears start to fall down my cheeks.

Ironhide stepped forward and lifted me up bridal style, he set me in the bathtub, once more grabbing the rubbing alcohol while looking at the infected cuts all over my body, "My Primus, Alaska." He sighed lightly. I looked at him in pure sadness, tears just running. He grabbed a hair tie that I still had around my wrist, he tied my hair up in a bun, "I'm sorry, this is going to hurt. " he tried to sooth me as be stepped into the tub behind me, I try to get out of his grip.

"No.. No.. Please Hide.." I whimper, I pressed myself close to him. He set his chin on my shoulder and our cheeks where practically touching. He grabbed my lower thigh and poured running alchohol all over my upper and middle thigh. I wanted to scream, tears dropping quickly as I cringe.

Hide crushed the tears off of my cheeks, "Come on Alaska, you're doing amazing." He soothed, I pushed my cheek against his as he poured the rubbing alcohol on my ankles, both of them. I half screamed, but but my tounge to try and not scream. Hide stopped after a couple more seconds, "Okay, Alaska. If we can do the rest, we can take off tomorrow." He promised me softly. I nod slightly, wanting the pain to be over already.

I look over to him slightly, "please just pour it on me, I cant deal with this pain anymore.." I whimper to him. He grabs me and hold me in his lap, kinda like bridal style but on his lap. He started with my thigh but stopped.

He looked at me with uncertain eyes, "This is going to hurt." He seemed to cringe as he started to lightly put it on, I jab my elbow into the side of the tub, seething in pain. He was done in the matter of seconds, "Hey. It's okay." He said as he stood up with me, then setting me on my feet, I was unstable, so he grabbed my hands and turned the water on, a simi-warm temperature. He closed the shower curtain, "Just stand, the alchohol need to get off of the rest of your body." He said before he left me alone. I just stood there in the warm water, slightly cringing at the pain all in my body.

~~

I don't really remembered after I was standing in the shower. But now I was sitting in the living room in sweatpants and a bra, Hide was sitting next to me, it was 12 now, I was getting more and more tired. Falling in and out of conciousness on Hides shoulder, Sis sprawled out on both of our laps. Maybe this really wasn't so bad after all, maybe it really wasn't so bad, maybe love was okay.

Love? Wait, love? I couldn't possibly be in love with Hide, no, it's not possible. I can't be, I'm lying to myself, I'm not in love with him. I don't love him. Right?